All's Fair in Love and War
by ObsessFirstAskQuestionsLater
Summary: No one can resist One Direction's Liam Payne. But what happens when he sets his sights on Niall Horan's girlfriend, Rene Mercer? Betrayal rages on and Liam and Rene are powerless to stop what they've started when sex turns into something more. Lemons xx
1. Christmas Eve

_READ TO UNDERSTAND__—Ok so Rene` is a member of One Direction—in theory I hate it too but I think it works for this particular story! __This is Rated M! Don't read it if you don't like that kinda stuff. __Please review! Thanks guys xx_

Rene` POV:

"I cannot wait to get you home," Niall whispered in my ear, warm breath tickling my cheek. I felt his hand worming its way behind my back so he could pull me closer, and I let him, unwilling to hurt his feelings. But from across the van I saw Liam lower his head, eyes filled with emotion he couldn't release. It wasn't fair. Not to me. Not to Liam. Not to Niall.

Niall: my devoted boyfriend. Liam: the love of my life. Me: the whore of the U.K.

"And I can't wait to get you out of that horrible sweater." It was Christmas Eve and Niall had dawned a heinous Santa sweater for the occasion. Since the night began I had been giving him a relentless amount of grief about it.

Niall laughed that beautiful laugh of his and kissed me. His lips met mine in a fumbling display of passion and I kissed him back, trying to savor any snippet of our old fire. I could taste the whiskey on his breath but I didn't care.

Then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He slumped back into his seat and gave me a crooked smile. There was love and tenderness in his beautiful blue eyes but the passion was gone. With Niall it was like water. I held it briefly but it was doomed to eventually slip through my fingers.

"Whose gunna take a shot with me when we get home?" Louis demanded from the backseat as the van rounded the corner to our street. The house we all shared was the biggest on the block and clearly visible from here. There was a mob of fans like always but tonight their faces were lit up by the lights Louis and Harry had put up to decorate. It was cold out, their breath appearing like clouds before them when they screamed our names. Niall squeezed my hand, his protective side coming out as he eyed the male fans waiting outside.

"I will definitely be taking that shot," he murmured to Louis. Harry, Zayn, and I nodded in agreement. Liam alone remained completely unfazed. I could see him slipping into his little funk. Sometimes he would stay brooding for days and I alone could coax him out of it. The others considered me a miracle worker for it. That was rubbish though since more often than not I was the reason for his depression in the first place.

"No more drinks for you aye Liam?" Niall asked as the van rolled to a stop as close to the house as it could without hitting the swarm of people. I paid the driver and unlocked the door as Liam responded.

"Not unless I want to die. Only one kidney, remember? God Niall! If it's not deep fried and covered in sugar you don't care about it do you?" he snapped. Wow. That moment between Niall and I was affecting him more than I thought. I mentally groaned as I hopped out of the van. The boys poured out after me, Niall was rolling his eyes. Liam wouldn't even look at me.

"Rene`! Rene`! We love you!" one group of fans was holding a banner that said "We Love TOUGH girls." It was referring to three months ago when I went onto a talk show and knocked out a trained professional in self defense. It had been in the papers for weeks. Of course, I was asked to do it and it was the guy's own damn fault for underestimating me but I'd gotten a real bad ass image because of it.

"Love you too!" I called back cheerfully. I was a little tipsy from the club, nothing too bad, but I still didn't feel like signing autographs. But who knows how long these fans waited here for us? I walked over to the group with the banner. None of them looked like boys who would be willing to wait outside in twenty degree weather for a girl. Two had eyebrow rings, one had a snake tattoo going around his neck, and the other three just looked…rough.

"Could we have a picture?" the man with the tattoo asked me, his voice more of a growl than anything else. From the corner of my eye I could see Niall glancing over to me. Liam's eyes too were cutting nervously towards me. He may be mad but he was still protective.

"Of course you can!" I wasn't really like the boys. I grew up in Detroit; it took a lot to scare me. I leaned in as the man in the middle produced a camera from his pocket and let them file in on either side of me.

"Shit. It's not going to fit us all in!" the man with the camera complained, looking genuinely distraught. He was trying to get the picture by simply holding the camera at arms length.

"Don't worry dude. Niall come here for a minute!" Niall looked over when I called him, trying to pretend he hadn't been keeping close tabs on me since I walked over to them. When he approached me he gave the group a hesitant smile.

"Can you take a picture darlin'?" I asked, purposefully putting on an Irish accent. He laughed and accepted the camera that was handed to him.

He pointed it at us and one of the two men with an eyebrow ring threw a hand over my shoulder. There was a flash and then they each took turns taking my autograph and telling me how much they loved me. I smiled and nodded, trying not to let on that all I really wanted to do was go inside and take a shot with my friends.

Most of the other people were girls. They all still wanted pictures though and autographs. For some reason it always surprised me when girls wanted pictures. I got a lot of hate on twitter and in the media from girls who were jealous of me and Niall's relationship. However, when I met them in person the girls were all smiles.

Once we had signed as many autographs as we could we went inside the house. Most of the fans dispersed since we'd already seen them tonight. A few hardcore Directioners stayed outside, presumably until morning.

I held the door open for Liam as he walked in and he mouthed the word "tonight." I didn't respond but he knew I'd come to him. I always did.

"Oh Lord. Liam's in one of his moods," Louis muttered as Liam stomped up the stairs and slammed his door for good measure. Zayn, Louis, Harry, Niall, and I went to the kitchen.

"I better go talk to him," I sighed, watching Zayn got out the shot glasses. He lined them up in a row and filled each of them to the brim with Firewater. He pushed one in my direction with a knowing wink. They all knew I could drink with the best of them so it came to no surprise to anyone when I downed mine with an easy tip of my head. It burned a rippling path down my throat and made me feel like my nerves had been set ablaze. When I turned to leave I felt a set of familiar hands pulling me back.

"No!" Niall protested, grabbing me by the waist and holding my body to his.

"You're always with that sulking jerk. Let him sulk. Stay with me," he pleaded in my ear, pushing my long black hair out of the way so there was no barrier between his mouth and my ear.

"Sure. And let him ruin Christmas tomorrow with his attitude? No, no. I'd really rather sort it out now," I shrugged, giving him a quick peck on the lips. "But I'll meet you in our room? I expect this to be off," I giggled, tugging on his sweater. "And this," I purred, playing with the loose fabric of his pants. Niall bit his lip and let his hands fall from my waist.

"Well when you put it that way…"

I was still laughing when I started walking up the stairs. Liam's room was all the way down the hall, last door on the left. The room Niall and I shared was on the complete opposite side of the hall, still too close for my liking.

I knocked, ringing my neck with my hands.

"Come in," the soft voice sounded. I pushed the wooden door open. Liam was sitting shirtless on the bed, twirling an envelope around in his hands. When he saw me he dropped the envelope onto the dresser next to him.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, but there was no anger in his voice. He sounded calm, infuriatingly so. And I wanted to be mad at him for that. But he knew I loved the game. Our game.

"Yeah well your little bitch fit raised a few eyebrows." I shut the door behind me, locking it just in case.

"What can I say? Your love for PDA finally got to me," he drawled standing up and walking over to me. It was hard to look at him after that. I knew that for Liam one of the hardest things about being with me but not actually dating me was not being able to kiss me in public. Not being able to hold my hand. Liam gave a humorless chuckle and pushed me up against the wall near the door. I stiffened; fully aware that the shiver of longing that went through me was wrong. When Liam felt it he smirked a little and pressed his hot lips against my neck. He was just _so warm. _

"Put you arms above your head," he ordered me, a hard note in his voice. Liam's eyes followed me as I obeyed, fully aware of his power. My heart took off in my chest, my skin prickling with lust. He went back to kissing my neck, the feel of his thick tongue flicking over my overheated skin sending me into a frenzy. My breath came in shallow gasps as he reached down and unbuttoned my jeans.

From outside a fan screamed Liam's name and I echoed them in a whisper, my eyes falling to the closed window across the way. They had no hope of seeing, but it still thrilled me in a weird way.

Liam's hand slipped inside my lace panties, his mouth still firmly on my neck. A single finger slid up and down, taunting my slit but never entering. His free hand ran up my body coming to rest on my left breast.

"You're soaking wet," he breathed against my neck, pulling back slightly. His finger continued to taunt me but this time his brown eyes stayed firmly locked with mine.

As I watched he retracted his hand. His index finger was glistening with my wetness. My eyes widened as he placed it in his mouth and licked it clean. He'd never done anything like that before. There was something exotic and wrong about.

"You taste good," he moaned in my ear, making me release a strangled whimper.

Liam. Serious, intense Liam whispering dirty things to me. The fact that I was the only one that got to see him like this was just an added bonus.

"Taste me more," I breathed, hands still firmly over head. He chuckled lightly and took a step back. I hated the distance between us, and I hated myself for hating it.

"Get on the bed."

I rushed to obey, plopping onto his full sized bed. It was still warm in the spot he'd been sitting in earlier. I put my head on the pillow and looked down at him. The smile he gave me in return was full of victory. As Liam sat down at the end of the bed it gave a pitiful little squeak of protest. He gripped the waistband of my pants and I raised my hips so he could pull them off along with my drenched panties. They landed in the corner of the room with a loud thud. Liam pulled his sweatpants down so his hard cock was exposed and free. My eyes trailed over his manhood, shock at his size still trickling through me despite how many times I'd seen him. The yearning burning through me doubled, my whole body humming with need.

He spread my legs wide and smiled at the sight before him. I tensed as he bent down and began to tease my hardened clit.

"You're so wet for me Ray. Do you ever get this wet for Niall?" Whoa. That was not O.K. And Liam knew that. We both needed each other but there were unspoken rules and he'd just broken Rule #1. Don't mention Niall. Ever. Especially when you're in-between my legs.

"Hey!" I protested, fumbling to stand. But Liam's hands tightened around my thighs, holding me in place. Then, the tongue that had been teasingly caressing me gave a powerful stroke I wasn't ready for. I cried out, too overcome to even remember why I shouldn't do that.

The fingers holding my legs apart tightened and he quickened his pace. He knew my body well, better than anyone, and he knew exactly how to make me crazy. My hands slid into his hair, holding him in place as his tongue licked skillfully along my folds. His hair was soft, like silk in between my fingers but it was hard to concentrate on that, on anything.

"Don't come yet," he warned me, the very tip of his tongue circling my clit before he brought his hand to my sensitive bundle of nerves and gave it a flick. I gave a squeak of surprise and jumped a bit. Oh man I was close, so, so, close.

"Please? Please Liam's let me," I begged breathlessly.

"Not yet," he said firmly, giving the inside of my thigh a light kiss. He yanked his grey sweatpants off entirely and discarded them along with my jeans and underwear. It was amazing I still had my shirt on really. It was no secret how Liam felt about my breasts. Even the other boys noticed how he constantly stared at them—thank heavens that was before anything was actually going on. He could play, pluck, and stare at them all day. I guess even he knew we had to be quick this time.

Liam placed his hands firmly on the heard board. He hovered above me, the muscles in his arms rippling as he readied himself. I could feel his erection against my leg. Having him that close to where I wanted him but not in me was so daunting it was almost painful.

"You ready?"

Liam didn't wait for my answer before he rammed into me. He moaned loudly, loving the feel of me trying to take all of him in. He was big, a good three inches bigger than Niall who was five inches. My walls quacked as he paused inside me, letting me adjust to his size. But my warmth engulfed him with an eagerness I was ashamed of and the cry still started coming from my lips.

"Oh fu—" I began before Liam threw a hand over my mouth to cut off my scream.

"Be quiet Ray. Wouldn't want your boyfriend to hear would you?" Wow. Twice in one day that he brought up Niall. He'd never done it before. Something was up but I couldn't quite make myself focus on that, not when he was making love to me.

Liam sucked in a ragged breath and took the other hand off the headboard too. Now every inch of him was touching me, my shirt the only barrier. He started thrusting into me harder and I could feel it. The pent up anger and frustration. His mouth met mine passionately, a low growl rising in the back of his throat.

I was so close to the edge already that it didn't surprise either of us when I gasped and clutched at his back. My back arched as I felt the tremors beginning to rack my body. This orgasm was powerful, hard, and I needed the release.

"Liam," I sobbed as I came, toes curling in ecstasy. He just continued to thrust into me, too lost in his own pleasure. It was crazy but right after my first orgasm I felt another one building inside me, threatening to consume me when it was unleashed.

"Fuck," he hissed, pulling out completely and then pushing back into me slowly, making me feel every inch of his size. He finally brought his hand down to massage my clit and I knew he was going to make me cum again in record breaking time.

"Are you close?" he asked me, the beads of sweat appearing on his brow telling me he was.

"Yeah," I squeaked, eyes closed as he began to work my clit harder and faster than before. His lips crashed down on mine just as the second orgasm dragged me under. We moaned into each other's mouths in union and I felt him cum inside me. He continued to pump into me until he was completely soft and the he rolled over so he was lying beside me. His breathing was coming in labored bursts and there was a smug smile plastered on his face.

"God! I needed that," I admitted, snuggling into his side. He put an arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Me too." We stayed there for a minute, listening to our breathing slowly returning to normal and the dim noise of fans talking outside. Eventually though I had to break the moment.

"They'll be wondering about me," I said gently sitting up.

"Oh! Wait before I forget!" Liam snatched the envelope he'd been twirling earlier off his dresser and handed it to me. "Happy Christmas Ray," he whispered.

"Aw Liam! You didn't have too!" I gushed, ripping it open.

"Oh this is just one of your gifts. I'll give you the other one tomorrow. But I wanted to give you this one privately." Inside I found a beautiful card. The front read "Merry Christmas to the only person I'd want to find under the Mistletoe." I laughed and opened it. Two tickets fell out.

"What is this?" the titles read Orlando Florida Disney Land One Day Pass. Oh God. When I told Liam I had never been to Disney World when I was a child it had broken something inside him. He'd gotten really upset despite my many promises I was fine with it.

"I'm taking you. Right after our interview on the Early Show on Tuesday. We will think of something to tell the other boys. But not many people know us there…and we'll be careful. It will be fun I really want to—"

"Liam slow down. Why are you trying to sell me on this? I'm sold!" I gave him a massive hug and pushed my worries down. This was thoughtful, and I was going to be happy dammit.

"Thank you," I whispered, kissing him.


	2. Yeah, Happy

Liam POV:

It was killing me. Slowly and painfully. Every look they shared, every laugh. I'd never loved someone like this before, to the point of actual pain. I felt it now, deep in my heart like I'd been stabbed by a piece of jagged glass. Rene` was sitting by Niall's side on the couch, watching the rest of us open gifts. Each time he exclaimed in delight she would giggle and gently tousle his hair. It was enough to make my stomach churn, acid bubbling inside me.

"Aren't you going to open your gifts Liam?" Rene` could feel my eyes on her and she looked up now trying for a distraction. Her black hair was swept into a messy bun, and she wore no makeup. It was times like these that I thought she looked the prettiest, natural, but so beautiful she made you believe in God, because only he could create something so perfect.

"Yeah," I said gruffly, selecting one at random. It was big with a frilly red ribbon on top. It was too heavy though. I couldn't move it so I slid down to the floor. Rene` bristled when I chose it but not in excitement. She seemed nervous. When I read the tag it said it was from Niall. When I opened it I immediately knew why Rene` would be nervous. I had a tendency to feel guilty.

And when I felt guilty I just blurted things out. I felt guilty now. Guilty because I was looking down at a state of the art aquatic tank, filled with water and two huge turtles. They were the same turtles I'd wanted at the pet store a few months ago but they had been too expensive. I'd completely forgotten about them. And here they were, swimming elegantly in this massive tank.

"Aye mate! You opened mine! Do ya like it?" Niall chortled. My stomach dropped and I suddenly had the urge to shout, _Not as much as I like your girlfriend! _And I wanted to tell him. He had a right to know that I was a horrible person and an even worse friend. But I just smiled tightly and nodded my head.

"It's amazing. Niall I can't believe you did this. Thank you so much." I stood up and gave him a "bro hug" and held him just a bit longer than I needed to.

"Now that you've opened mine I guess I can open yours!" he declared, jumping to his feet. He ran to the massive package that stood beside the tree, (it had no hope of fitting under it), and ripped off the wrapping. Not to anyone's surprise it was a wax model of President Obama. His old one had been ruined by the rain and it was common knowledge that I was going to replace it today.

"Even better than the original!" Niall declared. Rene` clasped her hands in agreement a smile creeping onto her face.

"Babe get me picture next to it," he put his arm around the model of Obama and smiled as Rene` raised the camera. "Wait! Wait get Liam in it too!" he shouted at the last second. I walked over mechanically and put a smile on. It hurt my face.

After the flash went off Niall hit me on the chest.

"Thanks mate. I love it." Then Niall went on to open other gifts, sliding onto the floor next to Harry and Louis who were literally ripping through wrapping paper with their teeth. Zayn had fallen asleep at the end of the couch, a new watch glinting on his wrist. His other presents had yet to be opened.

Rene` smiled down at the three boys opening gifts and then slowly rose to come stand next to me. None of her gifts had been opened since she'd been too busy taking pictures and admiring everybody else's exchanges.

"Liam, open this," she demanded in a hushed voice, pressing a small wooden box into my hand. The carvings on it were intricate, veering in odd directions that all lead back to the center of the box where the letter _L _had formed. Clearly that had been done by hand. I smiled and opened it. The hinges gave way easily, like they'd been fiddled with too much already. Inside, was a single key. When I looked up at her she was grinning again.

"Don't show anyone," she whispers, and I am given no further instructions. I pocket the tiny box with the key inside. I would have no use for a car so I had no idea what it could go to, but I was eager to find out.

"Ray. Open your gift," Niall demanded from his spot on the floor. Harry and Louis looked up, and Zayn who I'd thought to be sleeping drew his eyes open and focused on what was going on.

"Which one?" she asked calmly, sensing the shift in atmosphere as much as I did. Niall laughed and scooted closer to her.

"This one," he breathed, pulling a small box out of his pocket. It wasn't wrapped. My heart plummeted, I wanted to cry or throw myself under a bus but I couldn't do anything but stare.

"Niall…what the hell are you doing?" she gasped, something in her voice so aghast it was almost offensive. That made me smile.

"Rene` Mercer," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Will you marry me?"

"Niall! I'm nineteen! You're eighteen! We're kids!" her head was spinning, you could tell just by the look on her face. She looked to me for help but I must have looked as distraught as I felt because she turned her attention back to Niall quickly.

"I know! But I'm fine with a long engagement! And you love me…right?" Niall's cheeks had flooded with blood, his blush creeping up his neck and making him look flushed. I knew he was wishing he had done this privately. Zayn's eyes were locked on Rene's` face, trying to decide what her decision was going to be.

"Of _course _I love you," Rene` fumbled. She took a deep breath and then she slowly sunk to her knees so she was at eye level with Niall. "Niall…are you sure? There's so much you don't know about me." I could have imagined her eyes flashing to mine as she said that.

"And I will love everything I learn," he promised, opening the little box to show a massive diamond ring. Again she faltered, the devotion in his voice throwing her.

"I…I…okay. Okay. Yes."

"Whooooo," Niall released a huge whoop of happiness and kissed her so hard I'm surprised their teeth didn't knock together. I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl into a whole and let it swallow me up.

"Yay! Soon there will be little Irish-American babies running around," Harry screamed, sounding pleased.

Niall pulled away from Rainey beaming. Her smile was a little more hesitant and fell away completely when her eyes slid to me.

"Aw Liam! You're so happy you're crying? Thanks mate!" Niall exclaimed when he followed her gaze. It took me a minute to find a response.

"Yeah. Happy," I choked out.


	3. Surprise

Rene` POV:

It was late on Christmas night. Everyone was sleeping, except me, I couldn't. I was up watching bad late night TV and vegging out on the couch. But I wasn't actually watching the peppy infomercials. I just kept staring at the glittering ring on my finger that held a thousand promises I couldn't keep. What had I done?

I was slipping the ring on and off my finger, feeling the weight of the world leave me only to be carefully placed back on, when I heard him. Well, I _felt _him more than I saw him. It was always like that with Liam. I could sense his presence always.

"Hey you," I said breathily, straightening up as he walked over. His eyes were dead, vacant.

"Hi," he said, trying for lightness and failing epically. My heart twisted painfully in my chest but I smiled.

"Anything good on the telly?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No…so did you have a good Christmas?" what the fuck was I doing? Poking the flames? Did I want to instigate this? His brown eyes pierced mine.

"I've had better," he said levelly. But I saw the storm raging behind that calm facade.

"Will you take a ride with me?" I asked quietly. For a moment he just stared, and I recognized the familiar battle. I wouldn't push him, I never did. Part of me wanted him to call this off so I wouldn't have to. The other part dreaded it so fiercely the mere idea made me sick.

"Yeah 'course I will," he answered finally, rising with cruel precision. I scrambled up as well, clicking off the TV when I got close enough.

"Bring your key," I said mysteriously. The idea of showing Liam washing away my fear—momentarily.

Liam POV:

"Come on," Rene` demanded. Her black hair was up in a hurried bun, a trench coat and a scarf covering up every inch of her graceful body and she'd put sunglasses on the pair of us. I for one didn't understand the need for all this secrecy. We'd taken three different cars to get over here and we were only about twenty minutes away from the house. But it was like I different world here. The apartment building she was leading me into was broken down and sketchy like any minute we would be peppered with gunfire.

"What are we doing?" I snapped as she slipped her hand in mine and started pulling me up the stairs. The elevator looked too unreliable to even consider. Halfway up the stairs she whirled around and pressed her lips softly to mine.

"Trust me," she breathed. Then she smiled, just slightly, just enough to make my heart start to pound so hard in my chest it was almost painful. How could anyone be that perfect and be real?

"Get your key out." I did as she said, picking it from my pocket and going to the door she nudged me towards. It had the number 394 swinging loosely from it and was painted an awful puke green color. I carefully slid the key in the lock and when the door banged open a sharp breath hissed through my lips.

"Ray…what…" the room revealed to me was unquestionably lavish, a violent contrast from the building that harbored it. It had plush, thick white carpet, a wide screen TV, a black leather couch, a fireplace, and that was just the living room! When I started to explore the rest of the space I found a massive bed and when I crept up on the dresser I found a picture. In it I was giving Rene` a piggy back ride because her stiletto clad feet had been hurting. She had her arms around my neck and we were both laughing. It had been taken by the paparazzi and it was the closest we'd ever come to being caught. It wasn't the action itself that was so scandalous. It was how deliriously happy we both looked. It was how her hand toyed familiarly with the collar of my shirt. It was the way our laughing mouths craned towards one another, like if the picture had been snapped a few seconds later they would find us kissing.

I picked the picture up and couldn't help the way my fingers started to trace over the glass that protected the picture. Suddenly I was lost in the fantasy. The fantasy that this was our house, she was my girlfriend, and mine alone to hold.

"This place is ours," Rene` said carefully, jolting me from my day dream. "We can do anything we want here." She smiled and welcomed my lips happily to hers when I sauntered over. Her tongue laughed playfully against my lips and I drew her in, suddenly eager to try out the new bed. In the entire world I knew I would never find someone so beautiful that I loved more, and that scared the hell out of me because every time I looked at her I saw a girl that could never be anything but _mine. _And she wasn't mine at all…but her body was…for tonight at least.

"Get on the bed," I ordered her. She heard the hard note to my voice and smiled, knowing immediately I'd switched into what she so lovingly referred to as my "sex mode." Rene` laid out on the bed and propped herself up on her elbows, giving me her best "come hither" look. I joined her just as she untangled the strings of her coat. I pushed it away and threw it to the floor along with her pajama shorts. I slipped my hand under her shirt and moaned a little when I felt the hard nubs of her nipples underneath.

"No bra?" I murmured, nibbling at her jaw. Rene` gave a soft yelp when my fingers flicked across her nipple, then she pulled my lips to hers. I lapped softly at her lips until she opened for me, letting my tongue explore her mouth. Her hands roamed freely over my body, the soft touch leaving a fiery path in its wake, setting my nerves ablaze.

"Touch me Liam," she begged. I happily obliged, jerking her lace panties off and throwing them to the side. She spread for me, warm juices already glistening on her skin. I felt my cock twitch in my pants and start to fight against the tight denim of my jeans. My fingers stroked gently against her pussy lips, eyes locking with hers as she silently begged me to enter.

"Beg me," I demanded, running just the tip of my finger inside her, surprised at how easily I could slide up and down.

"Please? Please Liam. Ple—ASE," she gasped as I unexpectedly jammed my fingers into her. It was only two but I could feel her struggle to accommodate me.

"Mhm," she gasped, fingers locking onto the comforter as if to keep her on the bed. My thumb drove into her clit and she threw her head back, cursing my name. "I love it when you touch me," she admitted hotly, hips squirming this way and that to coax my fingers into further action. "You're just so…" she struggled to find the right word as I continued to pump my fingers into her. When I curved my fingers in the way I knew she loved, repeatedly hitting her g-spot, she seemed to give up on the search altogether. She bit her bottom lip, white teeth digging into flesh as she began to writhe beneath me. I felt her begin to tighten around my fingers, much faster than expected so I quickly pulled out. For a moment she lay limply on the bed as if unable to process what had just happened.

"Tease!" she pouted eventually, only half way faking her outrage.

"It'll be worth the wait," I promised, lips colliding roughly with hers. She pulled lightly on my hair and let our tongues fumble clumsily against one another. My hands ran greedily up her exposed body, lips coming down briefly to suck on her hardened nipples.

She smirked at me then, and let her hand graze over the growing lump in my pants. Rene` squeezed lightly, fully aware of the power that she had. A ringlet of hair fell out of its hold, dangling lightly beside her wet mouth. This simple, unconscious action made it hard not to explode right then and there.

"Need some help with that?" she purred, unzipping my jeans and peeling them off until my erection was bare before her. My mouth fell open as she lowered her head and tentatively accepted my cock into her mouth. She'd never done _that _before and though I tried to resist the urge I couldn't help but surge upwards. She pressed both her hands on either side of my hips to keep me from driving forward once more.

Rene` laughed and put my arms over my head, keeping me from touching her. She carefully removed the scarf from around her neck and tied my hands together, looping them around the bed post so I couldn't move them, hurriedly taking my shirt up first.

"Let's focus on you for a minute," she breathed, so close to my lips it was hard not to kiss her. She gave one last dangerous smirk before she slithered back down my body to tend to my almost painful hard on. Her fingers played gently with my balls and her head started to bob uncertainly up and down. And it was so hard not to touch her, only the fear of breaking her silk scarf keeping me from sliding my fingers into her raven hair.

"I'm I doing it right?" she asked quietly, keeping her hand wrapped around my cock but raising her head to speak. I tried my best not to laugh.

"Baby, you're doing all kinds of right," I rasped. She flashed her smile and then set back to work and I twisted my head to the side, drowning my groan into the pillow.

"Ray, I'm gunna cum," I warned as she ran her tongue along the vein on the underside of my cock. She quickly retracted, just as I had from her, and the vicious smirk returned.

"Now who's the tease?" I asked, somewhat breathless.

"You're not a tease when you fully intend to deliver," she simperered, her bare caramel colored skin reflecting the moonlight. I tugged at my restraints.

"Uh-uh," she clucked, kissing my neck and letting her fingers run idly up and down my chest. "I'm in control tonight," she whispered. My heart thudded unevenly in my chest as her lips touched lightly to mine. "And I'm gonna take you whenever, and however I want." Rene` bit down lightly on my ear lobe, enjoying the way I shivered just a little too much.

She lopped one of her legs around so each of her knees was resting on either side of me. My fingers dug into my palm as she positioned my near her entrance, letting me feel her wetness.

"It's not so fun when you're not the one controlling when you enter…is it?"

"Oh God," I huffed, knowing that this wasn't going to lead anywhere good.

Half an hour and many shameless pleas later, Rene slid down onto my cock agonizingly slow, making me release a strangled cry I was too far gone to regret. I pounded into her, using any leverage I could to drive upward. She felt so good, like nothing I'd ever felt before. Saying she was the best sex I'd ever had was an understatement.

"God," she moaned, as my cock brushed against her g-spot, the orgasm she'd been building before returning full force from the looks of it. Her breath turned into tattered cries as I continued to thrust.

"OK," she breathed, leaning forward so I would have a better angle, and our lips were almost touching. "I need to feel your hands on me." With a clumsy jerk she undid the ties that bound me and my hands went instantly to her breasts.

"And I needed to feel you," I answered, kneading her delicate breast until she released another soft groan. I pulled myself into a sitting position so we were both upright and for a while all you could here was the sound of skin slapping skin, and muttered whispers of the others name.

Soon, I brought a hand down to tend to her clit. The second I touched her she gasped, and slammed harder against me, craning towards my touch.

"Faster," she cried desperately. My thrusts became rougher, more urgent and I felt her begin to tighten around me.

"Come for me," I whispered as our lips met hungrily. Then, for a moment she couldn't kiss me back, mouth touching mine but open in a soundless scream of ecstasy until she finally gave her satisfied exhale and her clenched pussy began to relax just as I spilled into her. I continued to move forward until my thrusts were reduced to pathetic movements, and then our sweat slicken bodies fell back against the bed, completely spent.

Our heads hit the pillow at the same time, breathing slowly returning to normal as she lay wrapped up in my arms. Her nose nudged gently against my neck as she let her head rest on my chest. I knew she could hear my heart beat which only made it pound harder.

"That was…" again she was at a loss for wards. I kissed the top of her head.

"Yeah. It was."

A silence settled over us, the noise of the outside word little more than crickets at 3:00 a.m.

"Ray?" I began tentatively, the thoughts raging inside my mind fighting to find release.

"Hmm?" she hummed, her voice hinting she was almost asleep.

"Please don't marry him."


	4. She's WHERE?

Rene` POV:

15 days, 6 hours, and roughly 20 minutes. That's how long it had been since Liam had spoken to me. Since he'd touched me. Since his warm lips had kissed mine. And I was dying inside. As I lay down on the bed Niall and I shared all I could think about was the look on his face when I told him I couldn't call off my engagement. How could I, in good conscience, cause someone that level of pain? But _God. _The way his face had crumbled. The way he had jumped up from the bed, hurriedly, like he couldn't collect his clothes fast enough.

"Hey Love. What are you doing?" Niall asked, popping his head into the bedroom and smiling down at me. My thoughts of Liam cut off as I was jolted back into the present. His blonde hair was artfully styled every which way, a small smile leaking onto his face when he realized I was wearing a dress and he could see my black lace panties from that angle.

"Nothing…come do nothing with me," I smiled back, opening my arms to him. He closed the door behind him and climbed onto the bed, right into my arms. His mouth locked with mine and I could feel myself starting to moisten the lace of my panties. Whatever incompatibility Niall and I had, kissing was not one of them. He kissed me softly, pouty lips surprisingly warm.

"I love you so much," he whispered against my lips, tongue flicking gently against mine. I knew he meant it and as our tongues tentatively touched an image if Liam and I together, rolling around in the heat of passion cut through my mind. Guilt twisted my stomach and I made a point of kissing Niall harder. Maybe he could feel how much I loved him. Maybe he would sense my guilt.

Niall pulled back just slightly and looked at me and then at the light streaming in through the window. My tongue licked along his lips. He raised an eyebrow.

"Now? In broad day light?" he glanced at the clock on our bedside table. "Forty minutes before our interview on Alan Carr?" I gulped and couldn't help but think that if it were Liam there wouldn't have been questions. There would just be kissing and touching and…ravaging.

"Right now," I breathed, clawing at his clothes until I'd managed to undo all the buttons on his shirt. Our lips collided hungrily and suddenly I was so desperate to coax a reaction out of him, a _real _reaction that left us passionate for longer than a few seconds. Niall and I had sex…but it had become so routine and predictable. Ten minutes of missionary position and we would finish five minutes later with me on top. Still, it was good and I hadn't had sex since that night with Liam and my body was aching to be touched. Niall grabbed my hands and intertwined his fingers with mine. He was all over me and I felt slightly smothered but tried my best to keep up the pretense. When I moaned he took it as encouragement and released my hands. Gently he lifted my dress over my head; exposing my body in all is inadequateness. He kissed my breast. One, then the other.

"You are so bloody beautiful," He whispered.

He trailed a line of kisses down my front starting at my chin and working his way down my belly. I wanted to see his body. His sleek, smooth body. I grasped at his shirt while he nibbled at my collar bone tearing it slightly at my haste to get it off him. He chuckled, a warm sweet sound.

He lay against me, half on top, his skin slightly imperfect this close; he had open pores on his forehead, a trace of a scar coming down out of his hairline. His eyes were focused on my face, the pupils clicking open and closed, like the sphincter of a camera shutter. He slowly slipped his hand under my underwear. He touched me softly. He was always so infuriatingly gentle, not understanding that touches that light would never cause enough friction to award me any real satisfaction. I ground my teeth together, twisting my head into the pillow in an obvious display of annoyance. I heard the moist smacking. I was so wet from being so sex deprived and this was just torturous. Sensing this, in one swift motion he had he jeans off and was finally as naked as I was. I felt around for him. His penis; thick and full, mostly hard, craned towards my opening. I heard a faint hiss in my ear, and a whisper of a chuckle.

"God you know what to do." Well…that made one of us. It's not like Niall was bad at this. Sex anyway, he was very good at. The foreplay could stand some improvement. He cut of my thought with more delicious kisses against my mouth. His mouth tasted sweet and salty at once, quiet pure, clean. I had a firm hold on him now, bringing it near before it brushed against my belly. His hand met mine as it guided his penis towards my opening, as together we helped him find his purchase inside me.

The friction and the rubbing felt so… wow. I moaned a little. He caught my lips in his own. Softly pecking at them. I ran my fingers down his back pulling him closer to me. He shivered and quickened his pace. His face transformed with pleasure. Gone was the boyish slight smile. Niall thrust into me slowly and I pulled my legs out wider, giving him the angle he needed to reach my g-spot. He brushed against it lightly every time he entered fully, never quite slamming against it like he needed to. Nonetheless, I was wracked with orgasms almost immediately, my body so desperate for release it practically consumed me. It wasn't as powerful and toe curling as it was with Liam, but it was nice, and exactly what I needed.

I waited for Niall to pause, as he often did when I was cumming, laboring under the false impression that when I tensed like that it would feel better if he slowed. Only he didn't stop; rather he kept a hand down with a fingertip pressed tightly against my clitoris, trapping its retreat, making it face one defeat after another. After a few minutes our thighs were bathed in liquid. My liquid.

He was not content to leave me alone and kept up his steady pace pounding into me over and over. I, however was purely content in letting him do as he wished, enjoying the feeling of being filled completely and utterly. Niall really was a good lover I just wish it wasn't so…passionless. Every touch was calculated. Nothing was spontaneous anymore. Even this wasn't about love; it was about our body's similar needs.

Niall drove into me a few more times, his head bowed over my submissive body until he finally spilled into me, cursing as he released. He later rolled off of me, laying by me in a pant filled silence.

"That was bloody amazing." He whispered, kissing my cheek when he came down from his post-sex high. I nodded and caught his lips with mine as he was pulling away. He seemed kind of surprised but kissed me back, and I could feel his smile.

"Better get dressed…though I hate to make you put on clothes," he murmured leaning down and kissing my exposed breasts. I grinned and started to tug on my dress. As predicted we'd only killed about fifteen minutes, but we didn't finish with me on top so that's a change.

Niall finished dressing before me but waited as I touched up my makeup and slid on some earrings so we could walk out of the room together.

"I can't believe we'd just had sex before an interview. I'm going to keep looking at you during it and thinking about…"

"Just don't get a hard on on stage alright Love," I giggled, brushing passed him and out the door. He followed, his laughter ringing throughout the halls.

Liam POV:

They came downstairs _holding hands. _And like every time I saw her, my heart took off in my chest and my tongue started to feel too thick for my mouth. Her black hair was curled and falling absently down her back. Her face was flushed. I knew that flush, that beautiful hue of red that came from an exertion derived from pleasure. They'd been having sex. I felt instantly ill, lips curling in disgust.

"We're going to be late," Zayn chided. Niall looked completely unabashed.

"Sorry mates. We're ready now."

Harry and Louis were already in the car and judging by the noise coming from outside Louis had convinced the driver to lay on the horn. Rene` dropped Niall's hand and scampered out the door, a splash of her twilight woods perfume hitting me hard. Niall slapped my back as he passed a cheeky grin on his face. I didn't even attempt to return his smile, something he failed to notice but earned me a weird look from Zayn. I ignored him and walked as fast as I could to the car. I made sure I was sandwiched between Harry and Zayn and nowhere near Rene`. She'd made her choice, and I was going to have to be the one that ended this. But it has been the most painful two weeks of my life. Every moment I am achingly aware of where she is, and every second that she is looking at me, wondering why I refuse to speak to her.

"Zayn," Rene` called as the car started to move. "I'm right under the air vent here. Can we switch?" she asked brightly, rubbing her arms for effect. Zayn nodded instantly and after a few seconds of shuffling and fumbling Rene` was right next to me in her strapless black dress, way too much copper skin revealed for my liking. How was I supposed to ignore her when she looked like _that?_

I took a shaky breath. It was going to be a very long day.

When we finally got backstage the stage manager, Lexi was freaking out because we were so late. We were going on in about ten minutes.

"Absolutely no time for hair and makeup so you will have to go on as you are. You were supposed to be here about half an hour ago," she scolded, fixing Niall's shirt where he had mis-buttoned it.

"Wasn't our fault," Harry whined, not going into any more detail thankfully. Lexi rolled her eyes.

"I don't give a shit whose fault it was, I just really don't want to lose my job," she hissed, not giving anyone the chance to respond before she started talking rapidly into her headset. I rolled my eyes over to Louis as he opened his mouth to say something (presumably sarcastic) when I felt her hand slip into mine. Before I even turned my eyes went to Niall, seeing that he was in heavy conversation with our stylist.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" I hissed at her, ripping my hand away as I spoke the first words I had to her in over two weeks. Rene` flinched and shushed me, placing her hands lightly on my chest.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"Rene` is now really the time?" I demanded, casting a glance towards the backstage workers, many of whom were watching us with enthrall. She lowered her hands slowly, her bottom lip wobbling.

"No. I 'spose not." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she continued. "Meet me at _our _place an hour after the interview or I'll _die_," she whimpered, brown eyes brimming with tears.

"You're on in thirty seconds!" Lexi called. Rene` wiped her eyes before a tear could dribble out and inched away from me. She was immediately claimed in Niall's embrace.

"Something wrong?" he asked, having missed our brief interaction. She shook her head.

"Nerves."

He looked disbelieving but it was time to go on stage and he had no time to finish questioning her. Instead he just laced his fingers with hers and kissed her cheek.

They walked out on stage presenting a united front; they were the golden couple of Britain. I slunk onto stage after them, the other boys hot on my heels.

"WE LOVE YOU!" the crowd screamed at us, my ear drums vibrating with the sheer volume of it. I managed a smile and hugged Alan as he approached me. He was wittering on about something as he hugged the other boys and as I went to take my seat I realized immediately we would have an issue. Small couch, six people. Niall and Rene` seemed to be realizing this too.

"Yeah sorry about that Love's. One of you might have to sit on someone's lap," Alan sang, taking his seat as the audience roared with laughter. Classic Alan set up…one we should have seen coming. Niall, Zayn, Harry, Louis and I made a wild dash for the couch and each managed to snag a spot. Rene` was left standing, scowling down at us. She eyed Niall specifically and laughter burst forth once more.

"Guess you'll have to sit on someone's lap then," Alan crowed. Niall opened his arms to her, making a few kissy noises that led to more audience chortles. It's like he was clucking at her, which was really not the right thing to do to a girl like Ray. She stuck her nose right in the air and sauntered calmly over to the couch. Gracefully, she sunk onto _my _lap. I stopped breathing, my body locking down. Oh God. I squeezed my eyes shut and when I opened them again I half expected to see everyone on their feet, pointing at us in outrage. Only, they weren't. They were _laughing. _

Rene` stuck her tongue out playfully at Niall and threw an arm around my neck to steady herself. And it felt so wrong. Like she was flaunting it or something, and I knew she didn't mean it like that, but that's what it felt like.

"Ah now may I just say congratulations One Direction on all the success," Alan said happily, once the crowd had quieted. We all murmured our thank you's.

"Now I thought, since it was mostly an all boy's band that most of your fans would be girls. It's like an even divide out there. You've got some seriously obsessed fans don't you Ms. Mercer?" Alan wiggled his eyebrows and Rene` laughed that ringing laugh of hers that stole the hearts of so many.

"I think One Direction has some really dedicated fans. I'm simply 1/6 of that beautiful group and I get 1/6 of the attention," she giggled. She shifted her weight and my body started to respond without my permission. I could feel her shapely ass rubbing gently against my cock and couldn't help but notice how good the vibrations that went through her felt when she laughed.

"…don't you think Liam?" My eyes locked on her, my nose flooded with her sweet smell, my body reacting to the feel of her soft skin sliding over me.

"Liam?" Alan prompted. "Hahaha seems adolescent boys aren't the only ones you have hypnotized Rene`," he laughed. Rene` giggled nervously.

"Uh sorry."

"He asked if you think I have a cult following," she whispered under her breath so Alan wouldn't have to repeat himself.

"Her following is somewhat cult-like," I said quickly, putting on this big fake smile. There were some chuckles and the interview commenced in its normal fashion. At commercial break I dug my knuckles under René's arse and forced her to stand. She gave a pained little squeak and gave me the most heart wrenching look I'd ever gotten before she readjusted herself on Niall's welcoming lap. And jokes were exchanged, Rene` and Niall answered questions about their relationship, (careful not to mention their engagement) and Alan asked us to finish with a dance off. Rene` was the best probably, but Niall did a very impressive Irish gig that brought the house down.

I was already backstage and trying to get to the car before the camera's even stopped rolling.

"Liam, wait!" I heard her call from behind me, the sharp clitter-clatter of her footsteps storming after me. Niall was only about twenty paces behind her so when she finally reached me she whispered the only thing she had time to.

"One hour. Our place. _Please Liam._"

My face paled and I made no attempt to respond. I didn't know what I was going to do. I hadn't talked to her, I'd let the trip to Disney World drop, but how could I deny her when she had that look on her face? I swallowed hard and looked up as Niall approached.

"What the _fuck _is up with you mate?" he barked as soon as he met up with us. Almost as if it was pure instinct he slung an arm around Rene's` shoulder and she flinched as if he burned her— but that went unnoticed.

"I think I'm getting sick or something," I said mysteriously, stomach giving a slight churn as if to back me up.

"Well…I hope you feel better," he said, quickly losing his fire.

Rene` POV:

After the interview Liam went to Andy's and I went over to my friend Sierra's house. She wasn't home but she'd given me the key to her apartment a long time ago. Now I sat in front of her laptop, watching the play back of our Alan Carr interview on youtube. It wasn't the one we'd just done, that wouldn't be out for a couple more weeks. This was an interview we'd done almost two years ago. We were fresh off the X-Factor and everything was so new.

When the video ended I scrolled cautiously towards the comments.

LiamLoverxx: _Oh my GOD did you see the way Liam looked at Rene` at 1:32? Riam is real guys!_

I sucked in a sharp breath, unable to keep from noting that Liam and I's first…indiscretion had occurred within a few days of this interview. (Yeah it had been going on for _quite _a while.) I couldn't help it, I scrolled up to replay that part of the video, unable to deny the adoration in Liam's beautiful eyes as I answered a question about us being booted off the show.

After that I scanned the rest of the comments and realized that many followed a similar pattern. Most proclaiming their love for Riam. It was sweet, but I knew that if Liam and I ever actually came out as a couple there would be a total uproar.

My heart ached when I realized in every video I watched my gaze fell instantly on Liam, no matter what. His every move mesmerized me. Millions of girls loved him and they didn't even know the real, amazing person that he was. _I did. _And I was so, toxically hooked on him. But poor, sweet Niall who was caught in the cross fire of this star crossed love affair. I was just…evil. Every look Liam and I shared added another ounce of lead to my already weighed down heart.

I hated how much I loved him. I hated how much I loved both of them. With a breath that conveyed just how close I was to tears, I checked the time on the laptop. Time to go meet Liam.

Liam POV:

Two hours after the interview I was waiting in the apartment, pacing a hole into the carpet next to the leather sofa and absolutely fuming mad. She was an hour late. An hour late. What the fuck was I even doing here? Where the fuck was she? Everything was just wrong. What would happen when she did show up? I would screw one of my best friend over by…well…screwing his girlfriend. And I was so _sick _of this incredible guilt. If she wasn't so addicting I might actually be able to stop. And I had to stop. I couldn't do this anymore. I was done. I couldn't keep being stung along like this. My heart was taking a serious beating and if today was any indication it was seriously affecting my work.

I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose between my index and middle finger in thought. After a few more rounds of pacing I left the apartment, letting the door slam shut behind me. But after I walked outside, the fresh air hitting me full on, I knew I couldn't leave. Images of her walking into a painfully empty apartment kept flashing through my mind. I paused on the front steps, clucking my tongue until it slapped against my teeth. Rene` was so infuriating though sometimes. I had to…

My thoughts cut off as my phone started to ring. The caller ID said it was Niall and my heart started to race, palms slickening with sweat almost immediately. He knew. He had to. Oh God what would this mean? The end of 1D?

"Niall?" I said, putting the phone to my ear and speaking in a voice that was a couple octaves too high to be considered normal.

"Liam? Oh God," he sounded completely shattered, confirming my fears. I opened my mouth, prepared to immediately start apologizing but instead I just said,

"Niall, I love her." This made him cry harder.

"Oh. So you've heard? I do too mate…Oh God." Wait…what?

"What?" I said quietly, feeling like I was missing something major.

"Rene` was in a car accident. A drunk driver.. she was in a taxi and the driver was killed on impact. Rene` is in the ICU…what were you talking about?"


	5. Don't Take the Girl

Liam POV:

My lungs were aching and my legs felt like jello, but running ten miles to a hospital because there is no taxi does will do that to you.

"Rene` Mercer," I wheezed when I finally reached the front desk, gripping the stitch in my side. "Where is she?"

"I'm afraid that's classified," the receptionist said without so much as looking up. She continued to fiddle with her keyboard, tapping her pen against the desk with her other hand.

"I'm Liam Payne," I snapped, causing her head to fly up so quickly I heard a crack. Her blonde ponytail swished and before she answered she blew a bubble with her huge wad of gum. Had I been able to muster enough breath to scream at her I would have.

"Oh Mr. Payne," she smiled. "It's actually not visiting hours and she is still unconscious so you won't be able to see her but I believe the rest of One Direction is up—"

"Room number!" I demanded again, still wheezing slightly.

"Room 394," she said, voice low. I don't know why. All the fans and press had been kept outside and had no hope of hearing. I nodded gratefully just the same and took the elevator to the third floor. There was a small girl in the lift with me and her mother kept looking over every time I tried to collect my breath.

When the lift dinged I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Room 394 was easy enough to find, the large group huddled by it was a pretty big clue.

"Liam!" Niall cried when he spotted me. He broke out of Harry's comforting embrace and ran to me. Tears soaked his face and he looked absolutely beside himself. My heart and stomach fell at the exact same time and I thought I might be ill. I looked around the small crowd, made up of the rest of the band, Paul, and two other body guards I didn't recognize. Every single one of them were crying—or had been crying judging by the puffiness of their eyes.

"H-h-how bad is it?" Silence pulsed around me, eyes turning to look at the ground so they wouldn't be the ones to have to tell me.

"They…they're giving her a 30% chance to make it till morning," Louis finally whispered, still not making eye contact. No one knew about Rene` and I's _relationship _but no one could deny how close we were. I fell to my knees, hands clutching desperately at my stomach. Maybe that would stop its rapid falling.

"No…no…" I whispered over and over again, eyes staring hard at the floor but not really seeing anything. I could hear the blood gushing behind my ears, could feel the bile rising in my throat. Before anyone knew what had happened I had emptied the contents of my stomach all over the sterile white floor. I didn't even have enough presence of mind to be embarrassed. HHarry gripped me hard by the shoulders and pulled me up, trying to lead me to the bathroom to clean myself up. I resisted, wondering why my vision was blurring.

"She has to be okay. She has to be," I rasped, appealing to anyone who would listen. Niall broke down into a fit of tears and Zayn shot me what I think was supposed to be a warning look.

"Come on Niall let's go downstairs and get you some coffee," Zayn said softly. It was clear he was just trying to get Niall away from me. I was making things worse. Niall allowed Zayn to lead him off and they were followed by Paul, one of the other bodyguards, and Louis. Harry hesitated but could tell by the look on my face that I needed to be left alone, so he scampered after them. One of the bodyguards I did not recognize stayed with me. He didn't say anything, he just stayed stoic by the wall.

It was painful to swallow, everything suddenly hurt. I slammed my fist against the unyielding wall, embracing the agony that vibrated up my arm. I wanted to hurt, just as bad as she was. I wanted the pain. I wanted to _die. _

"Mr. Payne? I'm going to go find someone to clean that up," the bodyguard said, gesturing to the puddle of sick on the floor. He shuffled away and I fell down the wall and into a miserable heap on the floor.

_Please God. _I prayed, squeezing my eyes tightly shut and clasping my hands together. _I know I have done some morally questionable things. I've lied and cheated. But I've never stopped believing in you. And if you take that girl from me I will never recover. If you let her live I'll do anything. Take me instead. Let me die in her place. _I begged silently, fingernails digging into my palm and drawing blood. _Or if you have to take her God, please take me too. _

I jumped as a door opened and scrambled quickly to my feet when I saw it was a nurse from René's room. She was fairly old, well into her sixties, and her gray hair was pulled into a tight bun. Something in her blue eyes told me she'd seen a lot of the scene that had just transpired. She looked down at me with so much sympathy I had to look away.

"Excuse me, but I was told that Ms. Mercer's boyfriend was out here. I'm assuming that's you?" she pronounced René's last name wrong and she was confusing me for Niall so I had to assume she wasn't even slightly up on the latest news. I don't know what seized me, but I found myself nodding.

"I could tell by…" she fell silent but I knew how she would finish. How I reacted when I heard the news. "I could lose my job. But after that…would you like to come in and say good bye just in case she doesn't make it?" the nurse asked kindly.

"Thank you," I breathed, hugging her quickly. Then, I fumbled forward on unsteady feet and into René's room. The nurse followed, watching carefully as I took in what was before me. Rene` looked broken, all life and fire drained from her. All the spirit I loved so much seemed absolutely unreachable. Her black hair was fanned limply around her unrecognizable face. Wounds that had been stitched back together covered her arms and one went up her neck. Blood smeared her face too but it didn't look new, it looked stained permanently on her. She was hooked up to so many machines and a breathing tube was shoved down her throat. It wasn't until then that I realized I was crying, a sob wrenching its way out my chest.

"Ray," I whispered, my legs gravitating towards the girl in front of me.

"How did you even identify her?" I breathed, scooping her hand up in mine. It was the only part of her I could see that was unharmed.

"Her tattoo's are apparently widely known amongst the masses. 'No Mercy' on her wrist. A phrase on the inside of her foot. And a—"

"A butterfly on her lower back," I finished.

"Yes. And she kept whispering a name when she got here. One of the younger nurses figured out it meant one of you guys…Oh young love," The woman sighed and wiped a tear away as she looked at us. My eyes snapped to her.

"What name?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry I don't know about your band and it was barely a whisper. The poor girl was going into shock…"

"_Please,_" I pleaded. I needed to know, if what could be Rene's last word spoken was my name or his. The woman frowned, her brow furrowing.

"I don't know. I'm sorry I was focusing on all the blood," I could tell she wanted to help but was simply at a loss.

"Ma'am…_please. _I have to know. Just… guess." I was shaking slightly as Rene's hand warmed in mine. I knew I was putting too much pressure on her answer but I didn't care. I had to know, even if what she said ripped my heart clean out of my chest.

"I…it sounded like she was saying _Ian _or…"

"Liam?" I asked sharply. She paused and thought about it. After only a moment she nodded.

"Yes. That's it." And it didn't make me feel anything but another huge wave of depression. She loved me…and she was my angel, my everything, and she might not be alive when the sun rises. I fell into the chair by the bed and brought her fingers gently to my lips.

"What exactly is wrong with her?" I said hoarsely, thinking idly about how much I hated it when she had so much as a head ache.

"It's not good. Her skull is fractured in two different places and there is a possibility she is bleeding into her brain. We'll know for sure if she is alive by morning. Three of her ribs are broken and her legs were crushed in the crash. The wound that worries us the most though is more visible. The plastic barrier in the taxi shattered on impact and embedded itself in her chest, dangerously close to her heart. It missed it but severed many more important arteries." The nurse cut off when I whimpered and kissed Ray's hand again, eyes welling with a fresh round of tears. _God please let me take her place. Please._

"You have ten minutes," the nurse said softly. Then, she crept out of the room, closing it behind her.

I stared down at Rene`, shocked at how fragile she looked. Vulnerability was never really something I would associate with her, and now it was all I could think of. Her heart monitor beeped and it instantly became the most precious sound in my world. One that signaled she was clinging to life against all odds.

"Rene`," I began thickly, tears falling steadily and freely. "I love you so much. I always have, since the first time I saw you waiting in line to audition for the X-Factor. You were so beautiful and full of life. Everything you did captivated me. But I was so focused on singing and so scared of rejection…I let Niall get to you first. You dated him but you've always been mine just like I've always been yours."

"Every time you look at him I feel sick. And I didn't understand how you could do that to me when I loved you so much. It took me a while to realize you must have been just as confused as I was. Ray…please don't die. I'd rather you be alive and with him then gone. I won't be able to live without you. You're my whole world." My throat constricted and I bowed my head over her hand, taking great care in placing a kiss on every fingertip.

"I'll love you forever and always. That won't stop if your heart stops beating."

When the door opened I didn't even look up, I just kept my lips pressed firmly into Ray's palm. Every breath she took was like a gift I was endlessly grateful for.

"Honey, the other's are returning. The doctor will be in soon. I'm afraid your time is up."


	6. Trauma

Liam POV:

Rene` has always been a fighter. I've known since I saw her tell Simon Cowell he was a vicious git the day he made fun of Niall's teeth. Simon was joking…she wasn't.

However I didn't know just how strong she was until she defied what every nurse, doctor, and medical expert said by _staying alive._And not only was she staying alive, she was g_etting better._Not much better, (as we were reminded constantly to keep from getting our hopes up), but better. We hadn't been allowed to see her much. Besides that mistake the first day Niall had been the only one really allowed into her room. I would watch enviously, heart in my throat as he went into her room and I would crane my neck to catch a glimpse of her before the door swung closed on me. And every time it was like taking a punch to the stomach. She still looked broken, nothing like my Ray.

Body guards came and went, swapping shifts. Zayn, Harry, and Louis went home to sleep and deal with most of the business (cancelled concerts for example), but Niall and I never left. I had resorted to taking hurried showers in the hospitals radiation ward and sleeping against the wall as people came and went. I looked and felt like hell. But here we all gathered, in the narrow hallway of the hospital, One Direction showing a united front. Almost two months now, of a united front.

"This is _fucking ridiculous_," Niall growled into his cell phone. We all looked up in union when he started letting the swear words fly. I hadn't slept in almost three whole days. I was exhausted from crying, but there was something just sharp enough in his voice to make me look up. He was clearly fuming, his fingers running through his hair as he listened to his mystery caller.

"I can't even…SIMON!" he raged, eyes welling with tears. "I…okay…" he held the phone away from his ear with a sigh. "Liam, he wants to talk to you." It wasn't surprising; I was always the member of One Direction he most liked to deal with. The more serious, focused one. I swiped the phone from Niall's outstretched hand.

"Hello," I murmured, shocked by the hoarseness of my own voice. Louis eyed me sympathetically.

"Liam hey. Listen, I have okayed an interview with Good Morning Britain for today just so the public can see your faces, and you can reassure them that Rene` just needs time to recover. It may be the only way to calm the fans. The media is having a field day. Three people have been caught trying to sneak into the hospital, faking injures to get pictures of her lying comatose and a nurse was arrested for getting a picture for a local magazine…" anger rippled through me, making me sick. I hoped it wasn't the nurse that had let me see Rene` that first day. I really didn't want to hate her.

"That's absolute bull shit. But I'm not leaving." There was a long shocked pause while Simon absorbed that. I never disobeyed. Never. I was too eager to make this whole band thing work, but this wasn't something I could budge on. What if something happened while I was gone? I'd never forgive myself.

"It's been two months. Liam this isn't a request," Simon said sternly.

"That's good, because I'm not asking permission."

My friends were staring at me like I'd grown a second head but I just passed the phone calmly back to Niall. It took him a few seconds longer to collect it from me and when he did there was admiration shining in his blue eyes.

"Hello, Simon? Yes, you heard Liam. I…I can ask them." He held the cell away from his mouth and looked at Harry. "He wants to know if you, Louis, and Zayn will do the interview alone." Harry looked to his friends for confirmation and they both nodded slowly.

"Yeah Simon they will. Liam and I are staying though." He nodded once and then ended the call. The other three stood up carefully.

"We'll call Justin for the information about the interview," Harry said lowly. He was already brining his cell out as they walked towards the elevator.

"So…" Niall began the second they were out of view. "Thanks for having my back man. You've been great about staying with me." I tried to smile but failed. Everything was different now. I couldn't smile or laugh. My life was tethered to the girl lying in the bed in the next room, and it still felt like she was fighting a losing battle.

"You're welcome," I said softly, looking down at my hands.

"You know what I keep wondering?" Niall suddenly asked as he slid down the wall to sit next to me. I grunted as signal he could continue.

"Why was she on the other side of town? The taxi crashed on 58th and West. That's downtown. Why would she be going there?" He took the engagement ring he had given Ray out of his pocket (it had been found amongst the rubble of the cab, having been too loose on Rene` and fallen off her finger.) He twirled it around and made it twinkle in the light.

_To meet up with me._

"I don't know mate," I answered instead. Normally I felt terrible for lying to Niall, but not anymore. I treasured every moment I'd spent with her and I wouldn't feel guilty for some of the best times of my life. Before Rene` I'd never known such pleasure or happiness.

The silence dragged on but it wasn't awkward for either of us because our minds were so preoccupied. I felt awful. Rene` had gotten into that accident coming to see me…was that a sign? No, I refused to believe that. Our relationship was morally wrong but…right in so many other ways. It had been since the first time we'd done it. We were so different back then. She was this pistol of a girl, even more so than she was now. She had mellowed so much. But back then…she used to want to rage, party. She was young and wild. It was a different time.

A nurse who was young looking walked into Rene's` room after giving us sympathy filled looks. She was followed by two doctors and some woman carrying a clipboard. Niall and I sat up a little straighter.

"What's going on?" he asked me, leaping up. I shrugged, eyes watching every move made by those around me.

"What's happening?" I said loudly, catching their attention. One of the doctors looked up, smiling a little.

"Ms. Mercer has woken up," he said calmly. He said it like it was old news and not the best thing anyone had ever said to me. My breathing stopped.

"She's…awake?"

Rene` POV:

The last thing I remember was Jack teaching me how to sneak out my second floor window. It was complicated, but with practice I would learn to scale the roof. When I woke up, surrounded by beeping machines and men in white lab coats I thought something must have gone wrong. I must have fallen. Mom would be so mad…

I opened my eyes slowly, lights too bright in my face, and achingly aware of a sharp pain in my chest. There was a smallish blonde boy near me when I came too. He reached for me and I flinched away from him on instinct.

"Ray?" he asked softly, hurt flicking across his face. How did he know my name? I wanted to ask but my mouth was dry, like sand paper. I couldn't even muster enough saliva to swallow. I tried to lift a hand to point to my lips but an annoying tug on my arm stopped me. I was hooked up to an I.V. whoa. What the hell happened? And where was my family?

"Oh she must be thirsty," One of the doctors caught on. He reached for a cup with a straw in it that was resting on my bedside but a boy with brown hair, and kind brown eyes beat him to it. He was beautiful, a fact I was instantly struck by. Why someone who looked like that would be waiting for me to wake up was beyond puzzling. Obviously he was a model. No other career would fit.

Carefully, he held the cup out to me, and pushed the straw in-between my lips. There was an intimacy to the gesture I couldn't explain, but that was the least of my worries now. I took a long drag and emptied the cup, sucking until a dry whistling sound was all I pulled up. The boy retracted the cup and filled it with more water.

"Rene`? How do you feel?" He asked as he did, watching me with such blatant devotion I was momentarily too stunned to speak.

"Yeah baby. Are you okay?" The blonde boy spoke up, taking my hand in his.

"Baby? Why did you call me that? Who are you people?" I demanded once I found my voice.

"Oh no," one of the doctors gasped. The other's just kind of nodded in grim acceptance.

"Where is my family? Who are these people?" I repeated, my voice rising in panic. My chest was starting to really hurt…and my head was killing me too.

"Rene` you were in a car accident. You suffered some brain injury which we believe is causing your memory loss." That's funny. Two minutes ago they didn't know I had memory loss.

"These boys are your friends," the doctor said calmly.

"Why do you all have accents?"I finally demanded. How many British people did I know? "And why isn't my mom here? Or my brothers? Am I going to get my memory back? Why does my chest hurt?" my words started falling into one, my brain hurting with the effort of thought.

The boy with brown hair backed away from me, trying not to scare me I'd assume.

"You're in Manchester. The U.K," the nurse clarified when I still looked confused. "Your family is still in Detroit. They haven't been able to be reached for contact. Your mother…" the young nurse paused, looking to the doctors for help. None was given. "Your mother passed away last year," she said quietly.

"That's…not possible," I whispered. Oh my god. My world was crashing down around me. No. Not my mom. Mom couldn't have died. She was at home, knitting a sweater and waiting for me to come back. No way was she dead. My chest started to hurt even more, my eyes were stinging so badly I knew I couldn't hold it in much longer.

"Ow," I screamed, clutching my chest with my un-I.V'd arm. "Ow!" tears fell hard and the blonde boy was pushed to the side as a doctor came to fiddle with a bag above my head full of some clear liquid. The last thing I saw, before the darkness claimed me was a blurred version of the brown haired boy, biting his lip as if to keep from crying.


	7. Riam

Liam POV:

It had been almost six weeks since Rene` had last woken up. There had been no improvement to her memory and since then only doctors had been allowed to see her. She was still in and out of consciousness and trying to recover. But today was different. Today she was leaving the hospital after over three whole months. Today she was coming home with us, and I'd never been so happy about anything in my entire life. Going from thinking the person you love most in this world might die; to being able to walk out the door with her safely in tow…it was enough to make you believe. In God, and miracles, and love in all its endless wonder. And I believed more than ever now.

They thought it was just amnesia; her memory could come back at any time but because of the damage that had already been caused it would probably take much longer and there were very strict rules set for us to avoid additional damage. That was the least of my worries.

"Now, you will be allowed to take her home today but you need to remember what we said. You can tell her some things but try not to tell her too much. You can't avoid telling her about her fame, but do not tell her about personal relationships that might overwhelm her. To her she is only fifteen." The doctor looked pointedly at Niall. "She has spoken to her brothers on the phone so she knows some things. Right now she is coming to terms with her mother's death. Deal with her gently. Now, physically she is fine—miraculously—but she will still need to come in sporadically for checkups. And because of the extent of her brain injury she will be prone to migraines."

We all nodded in understanding, and waited. Harry was bouncing on the balls of his feet and Zayn was checking his reflection in the shiny surface of a picture on the wall. When the door to room 394 opened Rene` slowly crept out. She had made a remarkable recovery considering, but she was still fragile. She was wearing a black sweater and jeans that Louis had collected from the house. She was fidgeting a little as she walked out, eyes traveling from face to face with no trace of recognition. I knew why she was fidgeting. Louis had grabbed the bra she'd gotten last year that was a bit too small for her. It was something I should know, so I couldn't call him on it but I hated that the material was going to be tight right around where she had just has surgery. The doctors were looking at her as if she was a miracle, which I guess she kind of was. I still remembered that one day last month when Rene's` heart had stopped. The monitor had flat lined and I'd full on freaked out. I was all sobbing and calling for nurses and promising God everything I own if he let her live. I'd never known real fear until that moment.

And now look at her. As stunning as ever, relatively healthy. She wasn't the Ray I knew, but she was in there somewhere.

"Hi," she said sheepishly, putting up her hand in a kind of half-wave, her French manicured nails chipping. I'd never seen Rene` look so utterly lost. Normally she faked confidence even when she was scared. Apparently, fifteen year old Ray was a bit different.

"Hi!" Harry was the first to respond. She shuffled further out of the room to get a better look at him. "I'm Harry."

"And I'm Louis!"

"I'm Zayn."

"I'm Niall." You could tell it hurt him to say it…or rather to have to say it. But he smiled at her and she smiled back. Then she turned the force of her big brown eyes on me.

"I'm Rene`," she said to me softly. "But I guess you knew that." I couldn't figure why she was giving me that strange look, until I realized I was crying. How odd it must seem to her, to have a boy she didn't know shedding tears over her.

"Sorry. Yeah. I'm Liam," I whispered, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand. "Sorry I'm just really glad to see you." My heart swelled as I watched her, all the pain and sheer terror I'd experienced these past few months seemed to vanish.

She smiled back at me warmly. There was such confusion on her face, but I could see the wheels turning in her brain like she wanted to remember.

"I'm glad to see you too," she lied, blushing.

"So, I don't mean to rush you, but I'm kind of sick of this hospital…"

"Oh right! Of course!" Niall said quickly. He took the lead, almost running to the elevator. We all started to walk, looking over our shoulder every now and then just to see Rene` up and moving.

"Be prepared to deal with the fans outside," Louis warned a wicked glint in his eye.

"Right. The doctors and my brothers told me about that. They said we were in a band…my brothers said we suck." She smiled in fond remembrance. The boys and I shared a look. We couldn't imagine anyone in our families telling us that.

"They were joking," she clarified when none of us laughed.

"Oh. We've never met them. Are they arseholes?" Harry piped up. Niall elbowed him in the ribs but Ray just laughed softly as we all piled into the elevator.

"Yes."

We all laughed then, relief flooding the small space. She was in there. Our Ray was still there.

"But I love them very much…I guess…you guys are like my brothers in the U.K?"

Niall dropped his head and the look on his face was like he'd just taken a bullet. This must have been hard on him, but it was hard on me too. It was like the same situation with none of the sympathy.

"Yeah for sure," Zayn supplied, punching her arm playfully. God she looked uncomfortable.

When we got to the hospital lobby I could already hear the dull roar of the fans outside. They didn't know Rene` had amnesia, and I was terrified it was going to be too much for her.

"Are you okay? Are you going to be able to handle this?" Niall asked gently. You could tell just by looking at him he was resisting the urge to reach out and touch her. Normally he was all over her, not in a sleazy way but as if it caused him pain not to be near her. This was killing him.

"I'm tougher than you think." She raised an eyebrow as our bodyguards appeared out of thin freaking air. Paul was among them and he was smiling so hard at Ray it looked painful.

"Oh we know," Louis and Harry said in union. I tried to hide my grin. If there was one thing that girl was, it was tough.

"Hi Rene`. I'm Paul, it's so good to see you. Alright, I'll lead the way guys. You two grab the flank," Paul told the other body guards. Then he turned to us. "You boys make a circle around Ray."

"Protective cocoon. Excellent idea," Louis agreed. We all fell into place and braced ourselves as the door opened. The roar got louder and I fixed my gaze on the limo, our target.

"Get back! Get back!" Paul screamed. I had somehow been shuffled right next to Rene`, she was taking it all in, awe in her face when she saw the sheer number of people. I was suddenly wishing we had quite a few more bodyguards.

Rene` POV:

We had hardly taken a step outside when I realized this was going to be a problem. There were people everywhere, screaming things I didn't understand and begging for autographs. The boys tried to stay in tight formation around me but there wasn't enough security and soon the fans were clawing at them, yanking them in every direction.

"Rene'! I love you," One boy called. He looked like he'd been here for days but that couldn't be true, why would anyone camp out overnight in this cold? He had a red rose in his hand and he was holding it out to me. The boy's eyes were pleading with me to notice him. Niall had been on my left side but had been yanked away by a mob of screaming girls. He was more scared than I was and the two bodyguards behind me were rushing to help him. Harry and Louis had been ripped away as well, leaving Zayn and Paul in front of me, and Liam firmly by my side.

I reached over and plucked the rose from my _fans_outstretched hand.

"Thank you!" I called over the array of shrieking girls. The boy looked like he was about to cry with joy, and the thought that I could do that to someone was staggering. Just to try my hand I blew him a kiss and he _did_faint.

"Whoa," I breathed. Liam smiled at me and again I was struck by his beauty. He was so close to me I could hardly hack it. I certainly understood why all these girls would camp out overnight for _him._All the 'I 3 Liam' posters were very reasonable.

I gasped as a rush of fans broke passed the feeble security and rushed Zayn. He was literally dragged into their hold. Then it was just Liam and I, and they were certainly closing in. We were close to the limo, but it may as well have been a thousand miles if the fans 'attacked.' I didn't normally worry about myself but people started pushing and pulling on me right after all that…I'd probably be turning around and going right back into the hospital. I looked up at Liam, panic stricken. As my eyes met his he seemed to make a decision. With a motion so fast I hardly saw it, he swooped me up in his arms, making sure my head was cradled against his chest. The fans went wild. Phones and cameras were taken out and pointed in our direction. Shouts of "Riam is real!" flooded my ears.

Whoa. _He was holding me._Something inside me melted and I found myself clinging to him, one arm around his neck. He moved fast, much faster than I would have. He opened the car door with one hand, still holding me with the other, like I weighed nothing at all. Then he slid into the car, still holding me tight.

Liam pulled me along until we were on the far side of the limo. The second he stopped he cupped my face in his hands and I froze. His touch was so gentle, intimate that I was caught off guard. Why was this beautiful person dealing with me so kindly, was he gay? God I hoped not. His thumb skimmed over my cheek.

"Are you alright bab—" he cut himself off abruptly, dropping his hands. "Rene`." He corrected. "Are you alright Rene`?" I was still half on his lap, brain frozen from the proximity. Had he been about to call me baby? My heart leapt at the thought only to sink again. No. Niall had called me baby when I first woke up. Clearly, it meant nothing. Numbly, I nodded. He was realizing how close we were too and he gently scooted away from me.

"Sorry for man-handling you back there."

"I quite enjoyed it." I always had been a little too honest.

Liam grinned and had just opened his mouth to respond when the other boys and the three bodyguards came piling into the limo. Niall had a torn collar, Zayn's quiff was deflated, Harry's jacket was ripped, and Louis sunglasses were gone. Had Liam and I been the only two that made a clean break?

"What the hell was that Paul?" Liam demanded the second the car started moving.

"I'm sorry we greatly miscalculated how many fans were out there. It was a lot more than yesterday."

Liam was still fuming, you could tell by how red he was getting. Niall and Harry looked pissed too.

"If it were just me and the boys it would have been fine. But she could have gotten hurt!" Liam growled.

"And she would have if Liam hadn't pulled that ninja move! Thanks for that by the way man," Niall agreed. Why was he thanking someone for my safety? Shouldn't I be doing that? For some reason I found it really unsettling.

"I know I'm so sorry," Paul seemed genuinely upset so the boys grudgingly let it die.

"So…how are you feeling after that?" Liam asked me tentatively. To be honest it was kind of a power high. I felt like I ruled the world. And hadn't I always dreamed of being famous? It's literally like I woke up and all my dreams had come true. I had nothing to complain about.

"I feel good. Just one question though." All eyes were on me, waiting expectantly. "What's Riam?" the answering pause was downright awkward. Every gaze turned to Niall, who seemed really uncomfortable.

"They tend to morph our names together. They ship people together…ship means you support the coupling. Riam is you and Liam together who is probably going to triple in popularity after that video hits the web. Larry is Louis and Harry. Riall is me and you. It goes on for ages," Niall explained.

"Oh that's cute." I felt like I was poking at an awkward subject but I didn't know why. Were they gay? Did any of them have a crush on me? Had I had _sex_with any of them? They were all really cute. My eyes flicked to Liam and I felt my body flush with heat. Had I had sex with him? No…

"How did we get so famous?"

"When we get home we'll let you watch all the tapes," Zayn promised. And watch I did.

It was amazing how much information about us there was on youtube. Video after video of interviews and X-factor moments and video diaries. It was crazy. By hour six I was slumped in front of Louis' laptop and unable to endure another minute. It was beyond odd watching yourself on screen doing things you had no recollection of doing. But the boys were really weird about which videos they let me watch. Only live X-factor shows and video diaries that was 'safe.' I only got to see a few interviews, apparently those were too much for me to handle.

"I'm done I think," I said softly. It was a lot to take in. Louis, Harry, and Zayn were laid out in the living room watching T.V. Liam and Niall were making dinner in the kitchen, but since I was sitting on the counter I was the closest to them.

"Are you ok?" Niall asked gently, leaning over and putting her hand over mine. I nodded gratefully. Liam looked over at me as he chopped up the onions. His movements were so swift and effortless. Even something that simple was fascinating to watch.

"Why won't you guys let me watch some videos?"

"It's just a lot for one day," Louis shouted from the living room. Something told me he was lying but I didn't push it. My head was really hurting and the noise from the television was starting to hurt me head. I just wanted my mom. She would hold me and tell me it was okay. The thought that she'd never do that again made me sick.

"Can I go lay down?" I asked softly. Niall gave me a sympathetic look and nodded.

"Sure."

Liam POV:

We'd made Ray's favorite for dinner—chili. She'd been upstairs laying down for almost an hour and we'd all finished. I spooned some into a bowl and was getting ready to head upstairs when I paused.

"Hey guys…" they all looked away from the T.V. and waited for me to continue.

"We didn't tell her which room was hers…" They all sat up a little straighter, suddenly interested.

"So whose room is she in?" Harry asked. I shrugged and headed upstairs. The bowl of chili was hot in my hands and I rushed to find her. I started towards the room Niall and her shared and then paused. I turned quickly and opened the door at the other end of the hall, the door to my bedroom.

Rene` was curled up on my bed, snuggled under the covers and fast asleep. I could hear her soft breath. Her too tight bra had been thrown on my floor along with her sweater and pants. Holy crap was she naked in my bed? No…couldn't think like that. It was getting dark, the sun fading in the sky. I was about to back out of the room when she stirred. Her eyes opened groggily, she couldn't have been asleep long but she grinned at me.

"Hey," she said, sitting up. Her nipples were hard. I could see them jutting against the thin fabric of my shirt. Wait…she was wearing my shirt. I slipped into the room, closing the door behind me.

"I brought you some dinner." I handed the bowl to her and she took it, sniffing cautiously.

"Chili?"

"Yep. You like my chili," I told her. She took a bite and chewed slowly. Her eyes closed and she moaned softly.

"The first hot food I've had in six weeks…or I guess even longer than that. And you're right it is good." She patted the spot next to her in invitation. I sat down, watching her eat for a little while until she finally spoke again.

"Thanks for bringing me this."

"Sure thing. Hey Ray…can I ask you something?" she nodded her consent. "Why did you choose this room?"

"Oh my God I'm so sorry! My head hurt so bad I just kind of…" she started to kick the blankets off and edge towards the side of the bed.

"No! No it's fine, I was just curious."

"Oh." She stopped her movement and thought about it. "I don't know. I didn't even think I just walked in here." She looked down at herself, just now realizing that the shirt she was wearing was thin and her nipples were as hard as little rocks.

"I suppose this is your shirt?" she asked sheepishly. I nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"No. You keep it. Looks good on you."

"Thanks. So you made this huh?" she asked, scraping the bottom of the bowl. I nodded again, glad she was eating.

"Thanks for being so nice to me."

"Thank _you,_" I said quickly.

"For what?"

"Surviving."


	8. Photo Shoot

Rene` POV:

"Okay Rene` this is just a photo shoot. They will tell you everything you need to do. They don't know you have amnesia." This manager guy was talking to me like I was mentally challenged but that's not what bothered me. What bothered me was that I was sitting in a room full of people in a weird black corset thing with '1D' sewed into the front. Was it hot? Okay, yes. But it wasn't something I wanted to wear in front of anyone I wasn't about to get naked with. I was fifteen for fucks sake. Wouldn't these people be arrested for taking pictures of me like this? Only…I wasn't fifteen. I was nineteen. And according to this manger I was like a major sex symbol. Not something I was altogether okay with.

"I'm not wearing this in a photo shoot," I hissed as my personal stylist—how fucking cool was that—dowsed my hair in hairspray.

"You have to it's—"

"She doesn't have to do a damn thing she doesn't want to do," Niall had sauntered over and had immediately jumped into the conversation. I was so grateful for his presence I jumped from my seat and ran to his side.

"Niall please, please don't let him make me wear this." My ass was almost fully exposed, my breasts were ready to fall out at any minute, and it was so tight it was hard to breathe. Niall's face softened and he bent down to quickly kiss me cheek.

"Don't worry about it Love. I got it." After that he waltzed right over to the manager. Their voices dropped to angry whispers and when he didn't back down Niall started to get really angry.

"Hey listen, you work for us. You got that? Not the other way around. There are tons of people who want our business so unless you want us to give it to them I suggest you go talk to the stylists and get an outfit change," Niall was snapping. I slunk closer to the girl that had been doing my hair. We were both fighting the giggles.

"God, all those boys are always so damn protective over you," she sighed.

"Oh. Do you like…hang out with us?" Our manager had mentioned the amnesia in front of her so I had to assume she was in the loop. The girl grinned; brushing her brown hair behind her ear and for the first time I really looked at her. She was cute, with black rimmed hipster glasses and a ready smile. She was Hispanic, the skin tone and accent told me that. I was part Puerto Rican but I couldn't place what exactly she was. And she was short, adorably so.

"Yeah. We're actually pretty good friends…or at least I'd like to think so. I don't work for the magazine I am your personal stylist. And Sierra over there," she pointed to a girl with light brown hair, tan skin, and a nose stud. "Is your personal make-up artist." The girl put her hand out and I shook it.

"I'm Gabriela."

"Cool. I was starting to think I didn't have any girl friends." Gabriela smiled and jerked her head towards where Niall and our manger were finishing their argument. Niall had clearly won because he looked massively smug.

"I'm not sure, but I think you may be needed in wardrobe," she giggled.

"Thank God too. Could I look any sluttier?"

"I'm really glad you put a stop to it. It shows that amnesia or no amnesia you stand up for what you believe." Oh wow. Good. I would have done this even before the accident.

"Hey babe, go to wardrobe," Niall ordered me with a smirk. "Oh hey Gabby." He planted a kiss on her cheek and she went bright red. Then her eyes flashed to me and she got flustered.

"Oh um…hey Niall." I didn't wait around to see what that was about. I had to go change. When I got there no one would so much as glance at me. They'd just gotten chewed out apparently. The change of clothes was waiting in the dressing room next to the full length mirror. The change was much more appropriate, a tight black dress with a low neckline—but hey at least it wasn't a corset. As I removed my skanky attire I couldn't help but look in the mirror. I looked so different—and not just because of the scar right over my heart. No, it was so much more than that. I had shed any and all baby fat I'd had left. I was curvy, and legs that seemed to go on for miles. My hair was so much longer and layered…my skin was no longer pestered by acne and looked so flawless I could hardly believe it was me.

I let my hands slide down my stomach, up to my breasts. I wondered if I'd had a boob job. I poked at them cautiously. Nope, still real, just…bigger. I looked good. I felt so vain for even thinking it but I still didn't feel like the person staring back at me was me. Standing there in just my bra and underwear, I looked more like a Victoria's Secret model than the dorky fifteen year old I was in my head.

I carefully slid on the new garment, grateful that it somehow managed to show off my cleavage but hide the ugly scar. My "new" body was awesome, but I was instantly humiliated by the imperfection. Since I was so tan naturally it wasn't too prominent but it was clearly visible and ugly. I shrugged on the dress to hide it and then ran to meet back up with the boys. I reached Liam first. He was dressed in a completely unbuttoned plaid shirt and a pair of jeans. I'd never seen his bare chest before and boy was it a sight. He was bronze and beautiful with abs that made you want to touch so badly I had to actively restrain myself. His gaze hit me, washing over me with a surge of heat. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was undressing me with his eyes. I made a mental note to ask him if he was gay, and if he said no, to ask him if I could pretty please lick his face…and other body parts…

"You look absolutely breathtaking," he said as soon as I was close enough.

"I know right! When did I get this body? And these boobs?" I asked, clutching my chest. I dropped my hands quickly though and blushed. I really, really had to work on the whole speaking before thinking thing.

Liam just laughed that heady laugh of his and gave my body another once over.

"You've been…perfect as long as I've known you," he answered under his breath. I felt my face drop; my hand went subconsciously to the scar.

"Well…maybe I used to be," I whispered. Liam saw the action and stepped closer to me, taking a quick glance around him just to make sure no one was about.

"Rene` you are perfect. That scar just shows that you're strong, and brave." He placed a small kiss on my cheek. "And a fighter." And I think I fell in love with him. My heart started beating too hard in my chest, my stomach turning over as his scent flooded my nostrils.

"You're beautiful," I breathed before he could pull fully away. He grinned in surprise, the look on his face so fond I thought for a moment he might kiss me.

"You're beautiful too." Then I started leaning towards him, wanting to taste his lips so bad the need practically consumed me.

"AYE!" Niall called from across the way. He had on a tank top with the American Flag on it and a pair of khaki shorts. He looked good too, though I had the sneaking suspicion it would be hard to make any of my band mates look bad. He came stomping up to us, eyes blazing and I shrunk back from him. He wasn't even looking at me though. "Can I talk to you a minute Liam?" He spat. I backed away, disconcerted by his attitude. Normally, he was so smiley and happy.

Liam POV:

"Niall listen—" I pled as he stomped me over to the corner of the room. Since he'd shouted earlier many eyes were on us, including Rene's`.

"No you listen mate. I know your just trying to be nice to Rene`— I know you guys are friends but…I've always known you had a little thing for her. Which is fine. But don't take advantage of her when she has amnesia! Honestly man how sick can you get? It's bad enough that she slept in YOUR bedroom, in YOUR T-shirt last night! As long as she is more comfortable with you—which she clearly is—then fine you can spend more time with her. But watch yourself."

"Watch myself?" I growled. "Niall, Rene` is my friend. She's scared and she needs someone." I lowered my voice. "She's fifteen right now. I'm not doing anything. Stop freaking out over nothing." Niall was so trusting. He actually looked ashamed.

"You're right. Okay. Sorry." We nodded, and bro-hugged it out just in time to meet the others for the shoot. The photographer was already mad because we had switched Ray's clothes and now we were late.

"Alright I need this shoot to be sexy and hot. You're not little kids anymore. For that reason we're getting eight main group shots and an individual shot of all of you AND a shot of all the boys with Rene` solo." That made perfect sense to us since we knew about all the "ships" and how they involved Rene`, but she looked totally confused.

"Which one do you want to do first?" When no one spoke he decided for himself. "Niall and Rene` you too first." And suddenly I was nervous. Because the photographer didn't—and couldn't— know that Ray had amnesia. What would he say to the two people he knew to be a couple in order to get a good photo? Zayn and I seemed to be on the same wave length because we shared a look as we backed off the set. This could go terribly wrong.

It started out innocently enough. Ray didn't really know what to do so she just smiled and let Niall lead her in any direction he saw fit. She didn't blink when he put his hands on her hips, or kissed her cheek. It wasn't until the last few frames that the shoot went sour.

"Alright Niall give her a kiss," the photographer ordered breezily. None of us thought to put an end to it because no one thought that Niall would ever actually do it. But then, Niall yanked Rene` to him and kissed her full on the mouth. Her body went completely still, shock apparent even in her stance. The camera clicked away like nothing was adrift, but I knew it wasn't going to be good. It was completely unintentional but Niall was holding her tightly, she couldn't get away and the kiss had come totally out of left field for her. The second she had collected herself she shoved him away with everything she had. Niall stumbled and fell, leaving Ray standing with her hand over her mouth looking completely gob smacked.

It wasn't long before the tears came. She tried to hide them but she wasn't fooling anyone. Harry, Louis, and I were all going forward to comfort her but she was quicker. With a speed none of us were prepared for she ran off the set, through the double doors, and down the stairs. We all followed, knowing it was going to be bad. Before I left I turned around and shot Niall a glare as if to say 'what the fuck did you just do?'

Rene` POV:

It was cold in London. A fact I realized after I ran outside into 30 degree weather in possibly the skimpiest dress on the planet.

"Hiya," a voice called from beside me as I tried to plan my escape route. It was Gabriela, leaning up against the wall with a cigarette in her hands. She was smiling brightly but it quickly faded when she saw my tear streaked face.

"Ray? What happened?" I let out a sob I hadn't realized I'd been holding in.

"I have to go. Can we get out of here?" I asked, sounding more like a child than I had in a long time. Gabriela looked at my face and then back at the building I'd come from. We both heard the noise of pounding feet from inside.

"Sure Honey, let's go." She ushered me into the passenger seat of her car—which was on the right side and totally weird—and she just drove, not asking a question more. I think that was mostly because I'd broken down into tears but I couldn't be sure.

What was I to these people? What had I turned into? Was I a whore that would shed my clothes and kiss anyone for the right price? I didn't want to believe that. This was just too much to handle—and yes the fact that Liam had seen the whole gruesome thing made it that much worse. Would they all have kissed me during their photo shoots? Why did we all live together? Was I in some sick, six way with all of them? I sunk low in my seat, desperate for at least one person I actually knew to come out and tell me this whole thing was some twisted joke.

And it wasn't even the kiss that bothered me. It was the way he kissed me: hard, emotionless, like I had no real say in the matter. Maybe I was "The Rene` Mercer" on the outside, but on the inside I was a fifteen year old kid who had no fucking idea what she was doing.

Gabriela fished in her glove compartment for something and a moment later pulled out a few crumbled tissues. I took them gratefully and dabbed at my eyes.

"Niall kissed me," I finally hiccupped, when she had pulled into the parking lot of this small apartment complex and turned off the ignition. Gabby rubbed my back as I kind of folded in on myself and started to cry harder.

"It just kind of triggered everything. I don't know what's going on. I don't know who I am and I think I've turned into a bad person. I'm just some sell out who will do anything with anyone for my fifteen minutes of fame. I never wanted that."

I could almost feel her smile when she answered.

"You're not a bad person. You're the best person. This is just a lot to take in. Come on inside I'll make a pot of tea." I did as I was asked and found myself inside a charming apartment covered in unicorn figurines. Gabriela immediately set to work boiling the water. I knew she could probably get in trouble for leaving her job early, without telling anyone. I wanted to show her I was grateful but I didn't know how.

"Thanks, for everything," I said lamely when she offered me a steaming mug. She gave me a kind smile, pushing her glasses up.

"You would do it for me." Would I? Well then clearly I wasn't all bad.

"Gabby…I'm totally fucking lost."

"We all are Ray Ray," she giggled, using a nickname that would have gotten her popped if I was back in Detroit. "You'll come back to us soon. And until then it's our job to lead you. Niall was out of line." Her voice was soft as she watched me sip my tea.

"But that's what I don't get. Would he do that? Kiss me? If I had my memory?" Gabby hesitated.

"Maybe. Maybe you would be up for it then…for the purpose of a photo shoot." She seemed to be choosing her words very carefully. I knew I was missing something but truth be told I was missing a lot. I needed to believe her, so I nodded my head and we fell into silence.   
"I'm guessing you don't have your phone…and I don't have any of the boys numbers except for Niall's." She blushed really hard when she said that. "I know you don't want me texting or calling him. So we'll let them sweat it out a bit. You can stay here as long as you want."


	9. Triggering Memories

Liam POV:

"I'm sorry," Niall moaned miserably for maybe the twentieth time today. Again, he was unanimously ignored. He was out of line and no one was in the mood to console him. Our driver was getting tired—it was about the millionth time we'd prowled this street.

"May I just ask what the f_uck_was going through your brain?" Louis growled when the street lights turned on. Niall looked dreadful, letting out a low whimper and sinking low in his seat.

"I don't know! She's my fiancée for fucks sake! I wasn't thinking!" He put his face in his hands to shield his eyes, and no one had the heart to lay into him after that.

"We're about to reach the dead end. Should I circle again?" The driver called from the front seat. I started to nod but Harry cut over me.

"Liam, it's been hours. It's getting dark. We should go home in case Ray shows up there." Zayn nodded his agreement.

"And how exactly will she find her way back Harry? She has amnesia! I for one am not willing to simply go home when the most recognizable woman in Great Britain is wandering the streets in a skimpy dress and hooker heels. How will you feel if she gets hurt? Or god forbid raped!" The second it was said aloud—even though I was the one who said it—it was all I could think about. Oh god what if something happened to her?

"Raped?" Niall asked weakly. He looked up at me, his face stricken with grief and then he buried his head in his hands once more and his soft sobs filled the backseat of the van. Harry shot me a nasty look and put an arm around Niall, the only comfort he'd been awarded all day.

"Why would you even say that?" Zayn hissed at me. I was about to respond when I well placed elbow to the ribs cut off my air supply.

"She will be fine," Harry said firmly. "And we are going home."

"No the hell we're not!"

"Yes we are Liam. She's the most recognizable girl in Britain—as you pointed out. Someone will get her home. This clearly isn't working."

I hated it when Harry made sense. But just because it was logical didn't mean I had to like it. I bitched and moaned the whole way home, savoring every tear that leaked out of Niall's eyes because this was his bloody fault. When the driver pulled up on the curb I was ready to get away from everyone, and fully prepared to do whatever it was I needed to in order to get Ray back. The mob of fans was a permanent fixture at our house, one I normally stopped to show the proper respect. Not tonight. I jumped out of the car, thumbing the phone in my pocket. Who could I call that could handle this? I was just wondering if I could call in the National Guard when I saw her. She was still in the damnable dress, but she had managed to find a jacket. The fans screaming her name seemed to have little effect on her.

Rene` was sitting on the front step, slumped against the door. She looked half frozen and had obviously been crying if her red rimmed eyes were any indication. Another powerful burst of fury at Niall raged through me. How could he be so stupid? I ran to her, trying not to cause too much of a scene as the fans hollered for me, a constant reminder of their presence.

"Ray! Oh thank God! Are you alright!" The other boys were hot on my trail so she was looking passed me, eyes targeted on Niall. She nodded and let me help her to her feet.

"Come on," I implored, fumbling to get my key. I had hardly turned it in the lock when the others approached us. Rene` was enveloped in Louis arms first, and then Harry was hugging her and whispering soothing things in her ear. Niall held back, knowing his place at the moment. It wasn't until we were in the house that he dared come closer to her than 30 paces.

"Ray…" he said gently. Her eyes snapped to him, and the force of her full attention seemed to be unarming. "I…" he grappled for words but his obviously tear tracked face seemed to be enough for her—which was downright merciful.

"It's alright Niall." She even tried to smile at him and show her tentative acceptance of his almost apology. "I overreacted. I'm sorry this is all just…very new."

"I shouldn't have done that," he said softly, moving closer to her. Almost as if she didn't realize what she was doing she shied away from him.

"I'm just going to go to bed. I realize I stole Liam's room last night…which room is mine?"

"Last room to the left," Niall answered automatically. She nodded gratefully and started upstairs. I guess Niall would be taking the couch tonight since Ray would be sleeping in the room they shared.

"All evidence of that being your room too is hidden right?" I whispered. He nodded, and fell onto the couch, muttering something about apologizing for kissing his own girlfriend.

After that we all gradually went to bed, still reeling over the events of the day. It was about three in the morning when I jolted awake, some noise alerting me to another presence. When nothing immediately jumped out at me I assumed it was another fan girl that had failed to go home with the others. My frantically thumping heart started to return to its normal rhythm. My eyes still scanned for danger though, out of instinct more than anything else.

"Liam?" she called softly, her head poking out as my door creaked even further open. I wiped the sleep hastily from my eyes and sat up.

"Ray? Are you okay?" she took this as an invitation and crept inside, shutting the door carefully behind her.

"I'm fine. I uh…couldn't sleep," she whispered sheepishly. I switched on the lamp on my bedside table and the room was flooded with dim light. I normally only used it for reading so it didn't help too much. I saw her hair, dark as night falling down her back. She was wearing an old night gown of hers. It wasn't sexy exactly, it was tattered and old but she'd been wearing that exact thing the first night we'd…

I tried to cut off my thoughts but I couldn't. Images of her under me, writhing in pleasure flashed through my brain. This reminded me too much of when she used to come to me in the middle of the night, seeking solace in my embrace. Often, we would make love but sometimes I would just hold her. She needed it more than she would admit, and I needed it just as much—which I would never admit. I was suddenly very aware I was naked, and eyed the discarded boxers on my floor. What was the chance of me putting them on without her noticing?

"Did you wanna talk or something?" I asked, trying not to focus on the growing, throbbing ache in my groin. She looked so good. I always had liked her best when she looked natural. She never tried too hard; it was so unfair that someone could be that stunning with so little effort.

"No. I've done enough talking. Just scoot over." At first I just gaped at her, and then I realized she had actually said what I thought she had and I lifted up my blankets.

"Oh wait!" I reached for my boxer shorts and slid them on, heat pooling my cheeks as she giggled. Once I'd successfully shielded my growing erection I opened my sheets to her once more and she climbed obligingly in, her cold limbs instantly warming under the hold of my sheets.

"Thanks," she breathed, her head resting on the same pillow as mine. It was still just dimly lit, but there was enough light for me to see her infectious smile.

"Are you feeling better? I'm really sorry about today. I can't even imagine what you're going through," I murmured as she wiggled closer to me.

"It's still really confusing. I don't understand anything." Her smile fell and she let her leg overlap mine as she always did. I'd asked her once why she did it, and she said it was a habit. I hadn't asked her who she had formed this habit with, but I wondered now.

"I was trying to find out why Niall would kiss me." There was a really long pause while she tried to gauge my reaction. I kept my face blank, desperate not to give anything away. "Even if I had my memory it doesn't seem like an acceptable thing to do." Another pause as she scrutinized me.

"Liam, am I…dating Niall?"

"Do you want to be?" I asked automatically, fear and dread gripping me as I waited for her response.

"No. No, I don't want Niall."

"Oh. Who do you want?"

Her eyes clouded over in a way I recognized. I knew every look Rene` had but the one I knew the best—and the most identifiable—was lust. A shy grin split her face and she dropped her gaze. I felt my stomach start to tingle, the unwanted desire coursing through me as powerfully as any drug.

"You sure are chipper for 3 a.m." I grumbled, wishing for the first time ever that Rene` Mercer would get out of my bed. The hard on I currently had was starting to get really conspicuous.

"Yeah? So are you." She looked down and smirked. Mortification added to my rush of emotions and had me wishing I could miraculously disappear.

"I'm sorry—"

"You're sorry that I turn you on?" The smirk was still there. "What an odd thing to apologize for."

"Yeah well…sorry," I blushed, trying to put distance between us. She gripped my bare bicep, keeping me from moving. It was like an electric current shot through me, freezing me to the spot. She just stared, wide eyed and innocent.

"I'm not."

She paused uncertainly, and then lifted her worn night gown over her head. I gasped, not because it was anything I hadn't seen before—and to be honest the sheets still covered her, but the action was shocking.

"Ray!" I breathed. She could hear the protest in my voice and started to shake her head.

"Liam even if I am only fifteen right now…in my head anyway…I know what I'm doing." She watched the look of confusion befall me and she rushed to explain. "I'm not a slut! I just mean I know that I want you. Besides that I've been remembering things." When I sat up in surprise she rushed to mollify me.

"No I mean from back in Detroit. I remember Jack leaving for the big city and Bobby getting arrested. I remember Jerry getting married, and I remember my mom dying."

"But that happened when you were seventeen!" I exclaimed excitedly—too excitedly to be honest. I tried to remember that her mother dying was bad, I should not be glad she could remember that pain. "The X-Factor was that same year!"

"I want to remember. I want to remember becoming part of your band. I want to remember you," her voice was a soft lull, drawing me near. Carmel shoulders exposed and tasting the cool air. "I feel like you're a part of me. I hate that I can't remember why."

She smiled and leaned forward. Her warm lips engulfed mine and I could tell she was nervous. If I hadn't kissed her before I don't know that I would have been able to detect it, but I had something to compare it to and the hesitancy was obvious.

Her hand slid to my naked waist, beckoning me closer. I succumbed quickly, tongue gliding along hers. This felt so right. Ray palmed my erection, making me groan and whimper out unintelligible things. This was the first time she'd touched me in…oh my god. It had been over half a year. Half a year since I'd felt her spasm beneath me. Half a year since her sweet tongue danced with mine as it was now. Half a year since we'd been intimate. For tonight at least, all guilt would vanish. She was mine, and I was hers.

I kissed up her jaw, biting and nibbling the way I knew she loved…only she didn't respond as she normally did. She seemed a bit put off actually. That's when I understood. In her head, Ray was probably a virgin—or very close to it. I was used to the Rene` that liked the escape of passionate, rough sex. The Ray that liked the 'push me up against the wall and tell me when I'm allowed to cum,' kind of sex. This wasn't that girl. I calmed down, kissing up her jaw line until I was kissing her lips again. Her smile returned and I couldn't help but smile too. Our hot skin pressed together. We fumbled to get the rest of our clothes off…our underwear the only thing separating our groins as they desperately sought each other and she grinned in triumph when she managed to throw my boxers back to their spot on the floor.

Ray wrestled her panties off too and threw them in much the same fashion. Almost as if she was embarrassed she looked down, eyes falling on my rapidly hardening cock. She gasped and I thought she was gasping at my size. (I wasn't being cocky—no pun intended—but that's why she had gasped the first time she saw it almost a year ago.) But then she bit her lip, clearly troubled.

"What's wrong babe?"

She just stared, uncomprehending until she finally managed to find her voice.

"Um…Liam…"  
"What? Have you not had sex before?" It was weird asking a girl you'd made love to on multiple occasions if she'd ever had sex.

"Yes I have…once. That's not it." She was so red I was starting to get nervous. "Um…why is yours different?" she asked finally, pink hue darkening considerably. For a second I was confused too. Then, it hit me and I burst out laughing. She shushed me so I wouldn't wake the others but I had to bury my face in the pillow to keep from alerting the whole house to this.

"WHAT?" she demanded clearly mortified. That's when I started to feel bad and made myself sober, despite how hard it was.

"Sweetie," I began, still chortling softly. "You're American so you've probably never seen an uncircumcised penis before. Don't worry though babe. It's just skin."

"It looks different," she protested, but she was grinning again. "I um…don't know how to…"

I cut her off with a kiss. "Don't worry. I'll teach you."

She still looked worried though so I skimmed a finger against her cheek, then tilted her chin up so she was looking at me. I noticed then how she was clutching the sheets to her body, shielding herself from my view. After not seeing her for so long it was borderline torture. I tugged experimentally on the sheets and she clutched them fast, holding them right over her scar. Silly, insecure girl.

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to." It would be a little offensive that she couldn't get passed the look of my cock (something I had never had complaints about before) but, nothing I couldn't handle. The scar was clearly bothering her as well.

"No it's not that…" she kissed me, biting my bottom lip as she pulled away. "Is it going to fit?" she said embarrassedly, nose bumping affectionately against mine. The urge to say "it has the other hundred times" pulsed through me but I restrained myself.

"Yes. It will fit—and it will feel good," I promised huskily. That made her release a sort of moan/giggle that I found far too endearing and our lips smashed together once more.

Rene` POV:

I was so overwhelmed by his presence. He was unbelievably beautiful. But I was naturally afraid of the unknown and I was completely Americanized. This was just another foreign experience. For the first time since this nightmare began I was completely open to the newness.

"Can I touch you?" I asked softly, wetting my lips. He nodded, unable to hide his eagerness and I bit back my smile. "I um…don't know how too exactly." He grinned and took my hand in his, guiding me as he wrapped it firmly around his cock. It was odd how it could be hard and still soft at the same time, a fact that was puzzling but not new. The real mystery was how when Liam's cock got harder his head emerged; making it less obvious he was uncut.

He kept his hand over mine and showed me a motion he liked, working it up and down. Once I got the rhythm he cautiously let go, letting me do it on my own. I was timid at first, but gradually I grew in confidence. I'd never done this before, but it didn't feel wrong or awkward like I assumed it would. It wasn't long before he was bucking upwards and into my grip.

I kept up the steady motion until he tilted his head back in a moan, his neck straining in obvious pleasure. His hands reached out to stop me and I immediately released him.

"You can't keep that up if you want me to last," he murmured, kissing me hard. I kissed back, stunned at how unselfconscious I felt. Maybe it was the new body I was still unaccustomed too but I didn't think so. I'd been beyond uncomfortable in that corset. It was Liam, which was good but also a little strange. The fact that I was having sex with him was strange. I hadn't even known him that long—but I had…

"Lay back," he ordered, laughing slightly when I complied so hurriedly. This was the most normal I'd felt in ages, which I was too relieved about to find it unsettling.

I put a hand over my scar, trying to be inconspicuous about it. But it felt like no move I made went unnoticed by Liam. He watched my poor attempt at hiding the blemish and he took my hand gently in his, tugging it away.

He bent his head down and his lips brushed over the 'L' shaped scar directly over my heart. He looked up at me as he did it, making sure I saw exactly what he was doing.

"Don't ever hide yourself. The things you're embarrassed by are the best things about you." A small smile that showed the depth of his affection graced his boyish face. "My fighter," he whispered with so much blatant devotion I found myself blushing. His lips crashed down on mine and then he was positioning himself over me. The weight of his body felt good on top of me, pinning me to the bed. With a practiced move he hitched my leg over his waist and slid into me in the same motion. I groaned loudly, from way back in my throat. I was much more turned on than I had realized and he was able to glide easily into me, his cock so thick and long it was impossible for it to NOT hit my g-spot. I tried to bury my nails in the sheets, desperate for something to grab onto, but I just clawed helplessly at the bedding, unable to find purchase.

"Lee—yuuuuum," I groaned. I'd never felt anything like this before—didn't even know it was possible. In response to my cry he started to suck hard on my puckering nipples, not letting it affect his current ministrations on my body. He touched me in a way no one ever had, like he owned my body and I was his to claim. I was more than willing to give into him too, wanting him to know that I was his and his alone.

When he took my nipple in his mouth he bit down gently. The action was so unexpected, yet it sent tingles shooting down my body and went right to the bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs. Fuckkkkkkkk what was he doing to me? His thumb began working my clit, his actions too in tuned with what my body needed for this to be our first altercation. The second he touched me there I felt my whole body tighten, preparing for something great. My hips jerked in anticipation and my toes curled so hard it was almost painful. Just a little more friction…I was right on the brink mere seconds away from falling over the edge…

Then, a lot of things happened at once. Suddenly the boy thrusting into me wasn't some kid I'd met a month ago. I looked up into his brown eyes, a sharp gasp whistling passed my lips just as he sent me to the strongest orgasm of my life.

"Liam!" I cried as I came. "I love you," I sobbed, emotion overwhelming me even as I rode out my orgasm. I held him close, the pads of my fingers digging into his back as wave after wave of impossible sensation washed over me. The shock was evident in his face but he didn't hesitate in his hurried reply of "I love you too." As I clenched around him he came, nose buried in my neck and soft shudders telling me that he was crying too. I remembered him. I remembered the first time I saw him, listening to his ipod and bobbing his head in the line for the X-factor. I remembered him holding me up against the wall and kissing me breathless. I remembered him begging me not to marry Niall. To marry Niall!

My body was racked with tremors, and as I came down from my high I started to cry. Had sex just jogged my memory?

"Liam!" I said thickly, forcing him to take his head out of the dip in my collarbone and look at me. His eyes were watery but not for the same reason as I. I even understood why he was crying—we hadn't been together in a while. Oh God what I'd put him through! I grabbed his face and kissed him hard, hoping it translated everything I couldn't say. When he pulled back he looked dumbfounded but grateful, giving me my favorite crooked smile of his.

"See? It was okay wasn't it?" he sniffled weakly, trying to make a joke.

I knew immediately he didn't understand I'd regained my memory—he must have written my cry of 'I love you' off as sex induced confusion. We were both sweaty and breathing hard—he was still in me for fucks sake. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I tried to play it cool as he settled into his spot beside me, pulling my body close to his. It felt so natural and for a minute I let him hold me.

"It was okay right?" he asked again, worry in his voice as he traced a finger up and down my spine.

"It was brilliant…much better than that time in 'Malabami' as Zayn called it." I made a face. "Rushed quickies in the janitor's closet of a radio station? Never again! Spent the whole bloody time being poked in the back by a mop."

Liam shot up so fast he forgot I was lying over him and I landed back on the bed, giggling.

"You remember?"

"I remember," I confirmed, wondering why I felt more stressed out now than I had before. Oh right, because now I was engaged to the wrong boy and was setting up camp in the right boys' bed.

Liam pulled me close, peppering my face with kisses and making me laugh even harder.

"Oh my god I've missed you. For a minute there I thought we might have lost you," he whispered in-between kisses. He kept that up until we were both crying and then he laughed through his tears, hand cupping my face as if he couldn't believe it was really me.

"God! Are you…are you okay? How do you feel?" he demanded. How did I feel?

"Overwhelmed." I finally answered. "And I feel like I love you."

He smiled fondly, a little confused as to why I said the sentence with such dread.

"Liam I do. I love you. I can't believe I couldn't admit it before…we…we have to tell Niall."


	10. Florida

Rene` POV:

We were going to Florida. And not just Liam and I. No, Gabby and Niall were too. Everyone was so happy about my memory coming back that this had seemed like the perfect celebration. The others had different plans for their vacation time but Universal Studios beckoned the four of us. Liam was still pissed at me for not being able to tell Niall—I'd chickened out almost immediately—but for now everyone was playing nice. Niall had just been so happy, and grateful when I'd come back to myself. His excitement broke me, and as it turns out I was easily broken. I couldn't hurt someone who loves me so much. And I wasn't innocent in this either. Pretending I had absolutely no feelings for Niall was useless. What the fuck kind of mess had I made for myself?

It was early and I was exhausted as we walked into the airport with our substantial amount of luggage. Well, it wasn't so substantial for me since Niall was rolling my suitcase and Liam had my make up bag, and my carry on. I swear they were acting like I was still too fragile to do anything!

Fans were surrounding the area, screaming our names as loud as they could. I moaned internally and was quite thankful we let the body guards tag along to drop us off (we weren't letting them go to the U.S with us.)

"I'll take this side. You and Liam hit that side," I told Niall, a few of the body guards breaking away to go with me already. Niall nodded and let a few airport personnel take the luggage from him so they could check it.

I smiled hugely at my fans, going up to a girl in a carrot suit first. Louis wasn't even here! Gabby followed me as I signed autographs and took pictures. She looked ridiculously uncomfortable.

"Hey Rene'! Was the sex with Niall so much better after a near death experience?" a girl with a video camera asked, pointing the lens in my face. I laughed and gave a quick nod.

"Sure sweetie," I giggled, signing the magazine with my face on the cover that she held out. The girl smiled and turned her attention to Gabby. "Who's she? Niall's other girlfriend?" she joked. I turned around just in time to see Gabby go bright red, spluttering something about her being a friend.

"Damn Gab," I whistled. Could she be more awkward? "Do you like Nialler?" I teased, nudging her with my foot.

"Shut up," she muttered, now staring at the floor.

"I'm just going to go get on the plane."

"Oh Gabby! Don't be mad! I was just kidding! I don't care! Niall's hot!" I called. I'd just been joking but she took it seriously, stomping away to the boarding area. I took a picture with about four more fans and then rushed after her. Niall and Liam saw me running and followed me.

Great. We had Gabby who was currently offended by everything I did, Niall who was still hopelessly love struck, and Liam who would probably pout the whole fucking trip. This was going to be fun.

"Gabby!" I half laughed, half screamed as I caught up with her at the boarding area. She was having her passport and ticket checked and didn't turn around. I hurried after her, only giving the attendant a brief flash of my passport and boarding pass. He muttered something unintelligible but I ignored him and rushed to catch up with Gabby.

"You know I was joking!" I sang when she was close enough. She turned around, still blushing madly and sighed.

"I know. I'm not mad it was just…embarrassing. This whole 'mob of crazy fans' thing really isn't me. I'm super claustrophobic and I hate crowds anyway." Gabriela waved it off like it was no big deal and let me fall into step next to her as we walked down the aisle. I could hear the boys behind us but we didn't pause, we just ventured onto the plane. I smiled and waved at the people already aboard who recognized me and were waving, gasping and freaking the fuck out.

"Where's your seat?" Gabby asked, looking at her own ticket.

"Um…2C," I told her, thankful we could afford first class since this was going to be a miserably long flight. "You?"

"3C," She frowned as we went to our seats, realizing quickly that she was in the middle aisle and I was on the aisle on the left hand side. She scowled and sat down.

"Wonder what douche I'm going to be stuck next to. I always end up next to the village idiot," she muttered. I laughed and sat down; secretly bitter I hadn't gotten the window seat. I loved being able to look out the window and see the clouds.

"I hope you're stuck next to that guy," I whispered to her as a man with long inky hair and a disgusting looking wool sweater walked in right after Niall and Liam. She made a face at me and swatted my hand away when I jokingly poked her cheek. But, the man walked right passed her and settled into his seat in coach—though he did stop to ask for an autograph from me…(Gabby laughed silently the whole time.)

"Aye! We were supposed to be together!" Niall complained, looking at his boarding pass and then at the numbers above my head. I gave a pouty face.

"We're not together?" I whined. Damn. I was gunna end up next to the weirdo (there were always a handful on planes.) Niall shook his head, and leaned down to kiss my pouting lips.

"I'm 4C," he said.

"Oooh you're next to Gabby!" I peaked around Niall so I could see her. "You got stuck with _this_idiot," I said happily, tugging on his t-shirt. Gabby blushed again as Niall ruffled my hair. Then he shuffled around to his seat and sat down, huffing loudly as he went.

"At least I'm next to you and not the village idiot," I heard him whisper.

"That's what I said!" she giggled.

I smiled, shaking my head as they went on about the idiots in their home towns, and were still doing so when Liam walked up.

"Oh God, I'm stuck next to you." I immediately tensed up, knowing he must be upset with me about my chickening out so quickly. He seemed to notice when I froze, but ignored it and put his bag (and my carry on) in the overhead compartment.

"Hey," he said when he'd successfully stored the stuff. I looked up guiltily, unable to act normal around him when I was so sure he was upset. He again acted as if he didn't notice and gave me his most heart melting smile.

"Scoot over."

"Huh?"

"Take my seat. I know you like staring at the clouds."

Liam POV:

Ray had her ipod in for most of the flight, and seemed to be avoiding my gaze which I didn't understand. I was leafing through a magazine that was supposed to have an "exclusive" story about us when I heard a sniffle. Ray was looking at me, averting her eyes quickly when she saw I'd caught her. Tears were in her eyes. I was instantly alarmed but I could tell she wanted to be left alone, before she turned from me I caught a glimpse of the song playing. _Beautiful Disaster_by Kelly Clarkson. Huh.

She listened to her music a little longer, continued to avoid my gaze, and eventually fell asleep.

You'll never understand this if you've never been in love. It's something I never understood before I met her. But when Ray fell asleep on my shoulder during the flight I couldn't move an inch I was so afraid of waking her up. Three hours later my arm was still asleep, tingling and horribly numb but I still couldn't move. Not because I simply didn't want to wake her. That was a situation many could empathize with. It was that she looked so beautiful in sleep, so similar to an angel I couldn't muster the heart to wake her.

It wasn't until the plane landed that she came too, and when she yawned, eyes still closed.

"Sorry about that," she apologized as people started exiting the plane. I rolled my shoulders, trying to regain the feeling and waved her off with my good hand.

"Don't worry about it."

"Not the first time you've fallen asleep on me," I added. "However it is the first time you've done it with clothes on," I whispered, watching her delicious blush creep up her neck.

It had been two weeks since Rene` had regained her memory. Two weeks and she still hadn't said a word to Niall about us. I could almost understand her reluctance. She didn't want to break his heart, destroy the band, and suffer the public backlash. Okay…so I could TOTALLY understand her reluctance. That didn't mean I had to like it. Years of wanting nothing but one girl who couldn't, and wouldn't be with you was just miserable. But I wasn't that brooding mess anymore. Ray almost dying had shocked my system enough to keep me from bitching. I intended to stick to that promise I'd made her limp body all those months ago. I'd rather her be alive and in someone else's arms than gone from my world forever.

So now, even as I checked into a hotel in Florida, with Niall by my side the smile stayed firmly on my face. Niall had discovered Ray's two tickets to Disney world in her drawer about a week after her memory returned. She'd lied and said I gave them to her for the pair of them—for an engagement gift. Niall had been so excited he invited me to go with them—along with Gabriela, Rene's` stylist. The two of them had been almost inseparable lately. I think the kindness Gabby had shown her while she had amnesia had gone a long way.

"Thanks for inviting me along mate," I said, trying to sound optimistic as the concierge searched for our reservation.

"Oh yeah no problem!" He smiled hugely and took the room keys the clerk offered him. "Wait…four? We only need three. Ray and I can share," he tried to give one back but I stopped him.

"It's already paid for." I shrugged, trying to seem casual. Niall hesitated but eventually caved and pocketed two of the four keys. He handed one of the others to me and started looking around for the girls. They were outside, we could see through the glass doors. Rene` looked beautiful, signing autographs for a couple fans that had found her. Her hair was up and her outfit was casual—jeans and a t-shirt. So why did she look so perfect? Niall followed my gaze and smiled.

"My girl is gorgeous isn't she?" he sounded wistful, proud almost and my stomach churned. I made myself nod.

"She's been acting different though," Niall said casually as he loaded some of the luggage onto the trolley. I helped him when he struggled to lift Ray's suitcase and raised an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"Well…I don't know." He dropped his voice to a whisper and beckoned me closer. I knew I wasn't going to like what he had to say but I leaned towards him none the less.

"We haven't had sex at all since she got her memory back. Normally it's just a lot… more ya know?" He opened his mouth to elaborate but I cut him off. I couldn't talk about this and I certainly couldn't sympathize—especially since I had had sex with his girlfriend more times than he had in the past two weeks. A lot more. God this situation was fucked up.

"She's been through a lot Niall," I said simply. He looked instantly ashamed and nodded vigorously.

"Yeah 'course. I've just missed her is all. I'm really lucky."

Yes Niall you are so lucky. You have a gorgeous girlfriend who is sleeping with your best friend. You lucky, lucky basturd.

One of the hotel workers came by to take our luggage to the room so Niall and I turned around to go collect the girls from outside.

"Holy balls," Niall whistled when we saw it. The girls were surrounded. Not bringing security was obviously a huge mistake. There had to be a hundred people out there. Ray and Gabby were in the center of it, and Gabby was crying, hands over ears. Before our eyes she folded in on herself, clearly claustrophobic. Ray was trying to urge people back but a fan reached out and grabbed a handful of her hair. I could hear her shriek from inside.

"Shit," Niall and I cursed in union, throwing ourselves into action.

Rene` POV:

"RAY!" Gabby screamed at me. I tried to turn towards her but a fan still had a hard grip on my hair. I could feel it being torn from the roots and cried out in pain as a huge wad of my black hair parted from my scalp.

"Yes! This is gunna go for thousands on ebay!" I heard the girl cry. My eyes were watering from the pain and I was still trying to get to Gabby. I looked up just in time to see Liam and Niall come busting through the hotel's double doors. My head was throbbing and when I touched it, I drew my hand back to find blood coating my fingers._Fuck._My eyes searched for the boys, Niall a couple paces in front of Liam. I reached out to him but fans were all over me, blocking my escape. There were camera phones in my face, and I was starting to feel nauseous. My stomach was rolling and I thought I might pass out. Niall was cutting through the fans and he was so close to me I could almost touch him. Then, he dropped to the ground when he was still a few feet from me.

My eyes followed him. Niall went to Gabby, hands smoothing out her brown hair and lips close to her ear as he whispered to her. A pang of something went through me as I watched it, watery eyes turning into full blown tears.

"Ray!" Liam called loudly, elbowing through people until he finally reached me. Almost instantly I was encased in his arms, in his comforting scent.

"Liam, it hurts," I whined, ears ringing. I felt like I was about to pass out but Liam kept me grounded, holding me steady and pushing passed the mob as if it were easy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Niall doing the same for Gabby. Another pang went through me and I turned my face into Liam's broad chest. Shit, my head was killing me.

"Liam," I whined again as we cleared the threshold into the lobby of the hotel. I heard Niall and Gabby follow us. The other people were held at bay by hotel staff—and the police had been called so they were helping.

"I know sweetie, I know," Liam cooed, releasing me just long enough to find my pain pills in my bag. He handed me two and watched in surprise as I dry swallowed them both.

"God that hurt."

Liam hugged me in response and kissed the top of my head. Then he made me sit down on the couch in the lobby and he checked out the small bald patch on my head. It wasn't bleeding anymore, and Liam said it wasn't that noticeable, but it hurt like hell.

"You're alright baby girl," he whispered, gently skimming his fingers over my hair. I smiled gratefully up at him and gave him one of those funny hugs where you're sitting down and your head is at the other persons stomach.

"Sir we're taking your luggage upstairs. Do you want to come tell us which stuff goes in which rooms?" A bell boy asked Liam. He nodded and squatted quickly so he was at my eye level.

"You okay?" I nodded and shooed him away with a grin. A few minutes after he left Niall and Gabby seemed to remember my presence. She was still flushed and he was_holding her hand_when they came over.

"Are you okay hun?" he asked, dropping her hand and touching my head experimentally. I yelped though it didn't hurt much and swatted his hand away.

"Remember my existence have you?" I snapped standing up too quickly and getting a head rush.

"Oh Ray don't be like that," he said. But I could tell by the look on his face that he knew he'd messed up. It was ridiculous how jealous I was getting considering…well…_Liam_but I was. He was my fiancé! He should have gone to me first, especially in front of all those fans—fans with video phones!

"Just stay away from me," I ordered, giving him a withering glare and ignoring Gabby altogether. That wasn't fair since it wasn't her fault at all, but I stomped passed the both of them and headed to my room. _Crap. Niall had my key._I turned back and held my hand out expectantly. Niall looked confused then shoved a hand in his pocket.

"Ray I'm sorry I just wasn't thinking!" he said as he dropped the room key in my hand.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

The hotel was gorgeous but I was still upset about being trapped here since fans were surrounding the place. Liam had made a few phone calls and had a truck load of security on the next flight to Florida. He was _not_happy about what had happened with Gabby and I. Now we were all holed up in Gabby's room. Niall and Liam were watching T.V, Gabby was talking to her mom on the phone (in Spanish), and I was surfing the web. My twitter was going crazy and I knew why.

The first problem was my interaction with the fans at the airport. Apparently people were really overreacting to this video where I was teasing Gab about "liking" Niall. Oh and the video that has been online for maybe an hour of Niall going to Gabby before me is blowing up too.

_** 1DFan453: RealRayMercer how can you joke about someone else liking your man? Nah it don't seem real to me.**_

_** LiamsGurl54: RealRayMercer omg did you guys see the way Liam went straight for Ray? THAT'S love. Niall tots ignored her.**_

_** NiallsLeprachan: RealRayMercer who da fuq was that little Spanish girl Niall ignored u 4 today…**_

"Shit," I growled, slamming my laptop shut. Niall and Liam looked over and I just narrowed my eyes.

"Apparently our relationship is fake," I told Niall sweetly. "I'm so freaking annoyed." I popped the cap on a bottle of water from the mini fridge and sipped. Fabulous, my head was hurting again.

"Do you need more pills?" Niall asked, sitting up on the bed.

"No I think I'm just gunna go to bed." I stood up and wondered over to wear Liam was sitting. I pressed the pads of my fingers to my head and sighed.

"Okay night," I leaned down and kissed his lips, lingering a moment and then pulling back with a smile. It wasn't until I pulled away and saw the horrified look on his face that I realized what I had done. My head snapped quickly to Niall who seemed frozen, unsure of what he had just seen. I flung myself into survival mode and grabbed Niall by the collar, kissing him hard on the mouth. He responded with enthusiasm, grabbing the back of my head and deepening the kiss until I was out of breath.

"Alrighty then. Night guys." Just as I closed the door to the hotel room I heard Liam respond to something Niall had asked.

_"No Niall she just kissed my cheek."_

Gah what was wrong with me? I was getting sloppy, too comfortable with my relationship with Liam. This was a problem, but asking me to stop seeing Liam was like asking me to stop breathing. But if I chose him…publically my world would turn into a total nightmare. I sighed as I got into my room and put on my _I 3 1D_t-shirt. Just being alone in my room for a while might clear my head.

Later that night I found myself knocking on Liam's door. He answered on the third knock, his hair damp like he'd just gotten out of the shower. He was in only boxers and his tooth brush was dangling from his mouth. Liam stepped to the side, letting me in and I smiled at him. He was the only person on the planet I didn't feel self-conscious with when wearing my flannel pajama bottoms and "I 3 1D" T-Shirt. The other boys always gave me grief for it but it was honestly the most comfortable top I owned.

"I was just about to go to bed," he said, his mouth frothy with toothpaste. He went back into the bathroom, spit out the mouthful, and I heard the sink running. I stood awkwardly by the wall, waiting for him to lay into me about not confessing everything to Niall. Except, when he returned from the bathroom he just grinned and went to lie down on the massive bed.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to have him cuddle me, but knew he wouldn't be in any such mood. I let my hip drop in the way he always found endearing and raised an eyebrow.

"Well…I'm waiting," I admitted sheepishly.

"For what? A personal invitation?" he asked, throwing the covers back and presenting the empty space on the bed to me in an overly dramatized fashion.

"No! For you to chew me out about not telling Niall…" I dropped my gaze and succumbed to my need to be near him, shuffling towards the bed. Liam sighed and pulled me to his chest the second I was close enough.

"Is that why you've been acting weird around me all day? You think I'm going to yell at you?" He asked sadly, brushing my hair away from my face.

"No…I know you'd never yell at me. I just hate disappointing you." I hated disappointing anyone, which made my current situation about a trillion times more difficult. I groaned dramatically and turned so I was facing him. God, he was just so beautiful, it was unnerving. What the hell did he want with me? I was awkward, and talked too much, and a complete mess, not to mention I was scarred now—literally.

"You could never disappoint me. Ray…" he hesitated, looking at me like he was a blind man seeing for the very first time. "I love you. If you have to stay with Niall in order to be happy…then I'll survive. I'd rather only have half of you than have nothing at all."

I inhaled sharply, trying to compute what he'd just said. We'd never said that to each other before—not when we weren't shouting it during sex. It was a mutually known fact but it was dangerous to say aloud. That didn't stop my next move though.

"I love you too. I really do. And I'm not happier with Niall it's just…I'm in too deep. I need to find a way out." I leaned up and kissed him softly, loving the way his lips molded so easily to mine. "You're so beautiful. My beautiful disaster," I whispered. I couldn't get that _stupid_song out of my head. It was like the theme song to my freaking life. My head started to hurt as it always did now a days when I started to think too hard or get too upset. It was really killing me. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and gave a small whimper. This was getting old fast—and embarrassing.

"Hey, relax," he cooed, instantly understanding the problem. Liam kissed my forehead and waited patiently for the pain to finally subside.

"Thanks," I said softly. I pecked his lips and threw my leg over his. Liam laughed when I did this, running his hand up the leg that had just laced over his. A fond smile tweaked at his lips as he stared down at me.

"I've been meaning to ask you why you did that."

"Did what?"

Liam tapped my leg and I felt myself go red. His name popped into my mind: Craig Speeler, but I tried to force it back down. I hadn't thought about him in years, not since I met Niall and Liam in fact. When you're in a loving relationship—relationships—you don't have to think about old boyfriends that treated you like shit. The only time I did think about that asshole was when I was pondering over how different he was from the boys currently in my life.

"I told you it was an old habit," I said quickly, hoping he didn't pry farther. If I couldn't get upset, talking about this was simply not an option. Craig was attractive and was a couple years older than me. When you're fifteen and a gorgeous seventeen year old is interested in you it is impossible not to feel flattered. And the first few months had been great…then the abuse had started. 'Baby I love you. I just need you to _show_me that you love me.' Blah, blah, blah. When I would refuse he would get mad and violent and…ugh

"I know. I just wanted to know who you formed it with." Liam was smiling, completely unaware that he was treading into dangerous waters.

"I…" For a moment I considered not telling him, but one look at his blinking face told me that wasn't going to be possible. "I do it because before I came to the U.K I lived in Detriot—as you know—and I dated this guy." In my mind I could still see his shock of black hair and electric blue eyes. The way his back muscles would ripple threateningly whenever he rolled his shoulders. I shuddered, and this time Liam seemed to notice, his eyes sharp on me.

"He kind of treated me badly. After we would um…have sex," I whispered the last part feeling humiliated and ashamed all over again. I was too young, too immature for such a huge step and his abuse had made it that much worse. "He would wait for me to fall asleep and then he would leave. I would wake up all alone and…I don't know I just felt used—which was exactly what he was doing." I stared at Liam's birthmark, suddenly unable to look him in his brown eyes.

"So I fell into the habit of putting my leg over his so it would wake me up when he would leave. At least I wouldn't be surprised in the morning when I woke up alone." I shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Well then. He is a fucking idiot," Liam said thoughtfully. "And I would never do that," he added, stroking up and down my leg. His touch seemed to leave a tingling path in its wake, calming me down. My head was hurting again, so I just closed my eyes and wormed closer to his chest.

"I know you wouldn't." And I fell asleep against Liam, but I dreamt of black hair and blue eyes.


	11. Tower of Terror

Liam 

"Aw Gabby that's so sweet of you," Ray was saying. We were waiting in line for "The Tower of Terror" and Gabby was telling Rene` that her mom worked at one of the top Wedding Dress shops in England and she was closing the shop so Ray could search for "that perfect dress." The thought made me physically ill—because it made all this real. As much as I pretended to be alright I couldn't let her _marry _him. Thankfully, I didn't believe she would. Ray might be struggling now but I had faith that she would be mine eventually. I had to believe that.

"Right when we get back to England!" Gabby sang, clearly proud of herself. It was an exceptional gift, it just wasn't one I thought Rene` cared about.

"Ah" Niall hugged Ray from behind, his hands locking under her breasts. "I can't wait to marry you," he whispered in her ear. Gabby looked away and scooted closer to me as the couple started whispering and giggling. They seemed lost in their own little world so I looked away too. I couldn't stomach it today. The body guard nearest me backed up to give us more space as Gabby neared me. She could see the look on my face; I was actually getting worse at hiding it I think.

"Their cute huh?" she asked me lightly, though she didn't sound too into it. I tried to smile but failed.

"They're fucking adorable," I spat. Gabby looked surprised, and then grinned. I didn't know her well at all so my outburst must have shocked her.

"I can see it you know." She said finally, brushing her brown hair out of her face. I lifted an eyebrow in question.

"The way you look at her," Gabriela clarified, casting a glance at Ray just as she accepted a kiss from Niall.

"I look at her like my friend."

"Yeah right," she scoffed. "You look at her like she's the best thing you've ever seen." Gabby paused and scrutinized Rene's` undeniably beautiful face. "Which maybe she _is_ but…well it must be hard watching them together."

I didn't respond, I just watched Gabby's face drop as she stared at the pair of them. They _were_ a lovely couple. He was blonde haired and blue eyed and she was a dark haired beauty. My chest ached at that. She was _my _beauty.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad…it makes you physically ill? Like it _kills _you?" I asked Gabriela quietly as we shuffled forward with the line.

Gabby looked at Niall, depression and love clouding her brown eyes. She nodded.

"Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about." Gabby saw I had followed her gaze and then looked quickly away. Her eyes met mine in a panic and she opened her mouth quickly, clearly prepared to plead with me. I held my hand up to stop her.

"I won't say anything."

"It's embarrassing…wanting someone who doesn't want you back."

_I wouldn't know. _I thought almost smugly.

"But I would never _do _anything I mean I love Ray she's one of my best friends! And they clearly love each other so much. It's just a crush." By the way Gabby was saying it it was obvious she didn't even believe it herself.

"Right." I wondered why I'd never noticed it before. Now that I knew it was impossible to miss the way Gabby eyed Niall with such adoration. He'd be lucky to have her too. She was pretty, easy to overlook only because she seemed to make herself disappear into crowds. Shy and far from attention seeking. Actually—she was just my type.

Ray giggled again as Niall whispered something in her ear, his hand resting easily in her back pocket. It was so unfair. And suddenly I was overcome with the desire for her to know how it feels to see someone you love with someone else. To see them smile, and laugh, and _be happy _with someone who wasn't you.

"Hey Gabby, let's not let this drag us down. We can still have fun." We were nearing the front of the line, just about to enter the weird room where they showed the video that told the "story" of the Tower of Terror. Gabby smiled.

"No of course not! Do you mind if I hold onto you? Scary rides are so not my thing," she admitted. I held my hand out to her and she took it with a laugh.

"Well I'm not scared already but this is really good practice."

We laughed and looked around at the creepy people who worked here who were dividing us up into pairs.

"Oh we're with them!" Ray said when a worker tried to put her and Niall in the group ahead of us. She turned around to signal who "them" were and when she turned she was smiling…that is until her eyes dropped to Gabby and I's intertwined hands. Her mouth hardened into a thin line and she flipped her hair. Niall turned too, to see why Ray had soured. He looked confused then looked at our hands as well. He frowned and his eyes flicked to Gabby. Something crossed his face but it was gone too quickly for me to catch it. He turned and walked ahead as the man ushered us along. I walked forward, pleasantly surprised at how quickly we'd gotten a reaction.

We, our body guards, and a few other people were in a small room. The lights went out and the video cut on.

"In 1995 in this very hotel…" black and white figures cut on the screen and I zoned out, opting to watch Niall and Rene` instead. She was obviously unbothered, while Gabby was clutching my hand for dear life. Two very different girls. Two very different boys. One very fucked up love…rectangle.

Rene` POV:

I think it's safe to say my first visit to Disney World was a total bust. The rides were fun, the people were friendly, and the food was great. But I couldn't enjoy any of that because Liam had been shamelessly flirting with Gabriela the whole day. When we stopped to get ice cream they _shared _and he'd held her hand half the day too. I was the last person on Earth who had a right to jealousy but I was so jealous it was chocking me.

Relief beyond compare consumed me when we got back to the hotel. It was late—kinda. It was around seven-thirty when we got back. Niall had made reservations at some Irish restaurant in Epcot for nine.

"I'm gunna take a shower!" Gabby announced, right as Niall decided to take on a handful of the security in pool.

"Wanna come with me babe? Be me lucky charm?" he asked, pulling me towards him by the hem of my shirt and letting my lips crash against his. I let him kiss me longer than usual, putting on a show for Liam. It wasn't fair, but neither was making me watch him share a spoon with one of my best friends…he didn't even like vanilla for fucks sake.

"I'm gunna have a lie down. See you at dinner." I pulled out of his hold and went to the elevator. Gabby had already gone up so that left just Liam and I sharing the lift.

"So today was—"

"Let's go to your room," I cut over him, struggling to keep my voice restrained. He raised his brow in that sexy way of his and nodded his consent. When we got to his room he opened his door and I waltzed in before him, waiting until the door was closed before I ripped into him.

"What the _hell _were you doing today?" I demanded, shoving him against the wall. Liam looked taken off guard but he didn't miss a beat.

"What? Didn't like watching me with another girl? Welcome to my world Mercer!" I rolled my eyes.

"Sharing an ice cream, holding her hand," I paused, crossing my arms over my chest. "Buying the picture because she looked just so cute."

"Rene`. You are _engaged _to my best friend," Liam growled. "Excuse me for wanting to give you a taste of your own medicine. I hope it's bloody awful," he said, moving close to my face with a smirk playing on his lips. My blood started to boil and before I knew what I was doing I smacked him, a nice red hand print shining on the side of his face. My hand stung and I brought it to my face to cover my mouth.

"Oh my God Liam I'm so—" I tried to say but before I could finish he grabbed me, lips claiming mine without the slightest shred of apology.

"You _jealous _slut," he whispered. I was about to respond just as he grabbed hold of my shirt. He ripped it hard, sending all the buttons flying and leaving me in my bra before him. But that was the point I supposed. I was his slut and he needed me to know it. I shoved against him, but this time he was prepared and I didn't budge him at all.

"Nice fucking try."

Liam slammed me against the nearest wall but I wasn't ready for it. I threw my hands out to steady myself though he had no intention of letting me fall, and I knocked over the lamp on the bedside table. It broke but he acted like nothing happened and continued to kiss me, his hand snaking around my back to unhook my bra. When that was done he threw my ruined shirt and bra to the ground. The cool air nipped at my body, my nipples hardening almost painfully.

His eyes were piercing me, making me feel inadequate next to his glorious perfection. But he was drinking me in, his erection now unbelievably prominent. He palmed one of my breasts until I groaned in pleasure. I could feel my panties being soaked through.

"You're mine," he whispered huskily, popping open the button of my shorts and yanking until they pooled around my ankles. "Say it," he ordered. I looked up at him through my lashes, knowing that he _needed _to hear it beyond that cool exterior. I helped him wrestle his shirt off and then pulled him towards me so our naked torsos were touching.

"I'm yours."

I stepped out of my shorts, embarrassed by how wet my panties were. He noticed too, toying lightly with the lace that trimmed it before he slipped a hand inside. His fingers slid up and down my slit, never entering as always. It was the most infuriating game. I whimpered and my hips bucked against his taunting fingers. Liam chuckled darkly and shook his head.

"Not until I say." He was still laughing as he pushed me further to the left, against the dresser.

Liam's hands went to my hair, holding me in place as he pressed me against the dresser. When I couldn't go back any further he lifted me onto it with an agitated sigh, letting his body fall into the gap between my legs. The second he had me settled he crushed my lips again, licking along my lips until I opened for him. Our tongues met hungrily, and his immediately dominated mine.

"Does Niall fuck you like this?" he demanded, nibbling on my neck until I gave a little yelp of pleasure/pain. The movements of his mouth sent tingles through me, going straight to my sex. I could feel him harden against me, more and more the longer he kissed me.

"Don't bring up Niall," I warned him, unable to break away. He held me tighter, scooping me up and all but throwing me on the bed.

"_Answer me,_" he growled, letting his body roll over mine. I could feel his strength, his power and couldn't help how shallow my breathing became.

"No. No one fucks me like you," I whispered, pulling his mouth to mine. I licked down his neck, paying particular attention to the spot near his jugular. I didn't stop until he let out a hiss of pleasure and a nice, noticeable love bite was shining bright on his neck. It was my way of marking him as my own. When he stepped out that door everyone would know he was mine. Well, they would know he was _someone's. _I would know he was mine. Eventually, he yanked himself up until he was kneeling in between my legs. I was still lying down and whimpered at the loss of contact. I needed him, needed to feel him deep inside me. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and the throbbing echoed in my clit. Liam shook his head, a coy smirk on his face, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming.

He ran his hands up and down my leg. He planted his hand on my stomach to keep me against the bed and he held me there with his palm flat and firm against my belly. For what felt like an eternity he just stared at me, drawing out my agony.

"Beg for it Ray," he demanded, always loving the game. My eyes narrowed, no longer in the mood to _always _be the prey in our game of cat and mouse. I sneered at him, clenching my long legs around him and angling my hips so his cock was pressed against the hot, wet heat between my thighs. His eyes closed shut, his jaw clenching and head falling back. I instantly felt empowered and gave my hips a gentle shake.

"_You _beg for it Payne." I palmed his erection through his pants, eventually releasing his cock with a smile. "Do you think your precious Gabby could make you feel like this?" He groaned loudly and opened his eyes a little to look at me.

"Who? Oh…" He rolled his eyes. "I don't know. I'm not opposed to letting her try though," he teased. My eyes widened in annoyed shock and I pressed my thumb into the head of his cock, making it twitch against my hand.

"Hey," he said, pushing my hand away once he realized what I was doing. He had no intention of being the mouse this time. He was in his dominant mode, which was never something I truly minded. "You try that shit again I'm leaving. Got it?" I caved to the hard note in his voice that always sent my heart into a flurry and let him push me back against the bed until I was laid flat before him. As much as I hated to admit it, "bossy Liam" would never stop fascinating me. He slipped off my panties and left me naked, subject to the scrutiny of his eyes. If it was anyone else looking at me so intently, I would have felt self-conscious and tried to cover myself. But it was Liam, and the only thing I felt was a hot flush… and _a lot _of impatience.

It wasn't long before I felt his hands tighten hard against my waist and I knew what was going to come. A ripple of heat shot through me just as I felt his tongue lick up and down my slit, just as his finger had earlier. Liam had my legs spread wide and was holding me down so tightly I couldn't squirm an inch. There was nothing he hated more than me lifting my hips. It was about control, and he wanted it all.

"Give me your hands," he demanded unexpectedly, just as he got ready to proceed. I gave a puzzled look and shoved a pillow under my head before I complied with his demands. With his elbows he held my legs back until they were mashed into the mattress and he held my wrists in his hands. _Fuckkk _this was going to be hard. Forced not to move at all, even my a_rms _under his control. I could feel Liam's warm breath as he exhaled, tormenting me even further. So close to where I wanted him…

Liam ran the tip of his tongue into me, stopping at a place just below my clit. This was going to be torture, glorious torture. He knew what he was doing though, having accustomed himself with my body long ago. He knew how to get me off better than I did and it wasn't long before moans were spilling from my mouth along with curses and pleas for him to fuck me. Liam rolled his tongue over my clit, holding me down hard as my body jerked on its own accord. The amount of force he had to use, I knew, would leave bruises but I didn't care. I couldn't think passed what he was doing to me. Without meaning to I was fighting against him, my arms being particularly hard to control. My legs tried to squirm too but were kept under control with apparent ease. Not being able to move was unequally hard, every moment where your body tried to react naturally to what was happening to it you were reminded that you couldn't move because someone else _owned y_ou.

"_Liam,"_ I cried as his tongue plunged deep inside me, his face buried in my sex. He looked up at me upon hearing my cry, a huge smile on his face. Then he went forth, this time focusing all his energy on my hardened clit. He sucked hard, his ministrations so pleasurable they bordered on the line of pain. A strangled cry left my mouth, my arms straining to be free. He controlled me easily, the muscles in his arms flexing from the effort but his tongue continuing on as if nothing was happening. As he began to suck again I felt myself start to go hot all over, my eyes squeezing shut. I threw my head back as I felt the first delicious wave of pleasure start to pull me under, my toes succumbing first as they tightened and curled. My body froze as if to better absorb the ecstasy and then….he _stopped. _His hands released my wrists, his face pulled back, and my legs were free to move as they pleased. Liam just left me there, teetering on the very brink of orgasm.

I sat up so fast I got another head rush, my bottom lip jutting out. Before I even realized what was happening I started to c_ry. _Liam looked shocked, eyes widening into impressive sized saucers.

"What's wrong?" he asked quickly. I knew he thought he had hurt me, I could tell by the worry etched all over his face.

"Liam Payne you absolute fucking tease!" I half screamed half cried. He rolled his eyes dramatically but couldn't suppress his smile. Then I paused and grabbed hold of his bicep. The heat was receding from my body but tingling just the same. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy what little sensation I could. When I opened my eyes again to find him staring at me with concern I laughed.

"Mini orgasm," I informed him matter of factly. This time he laughed.

"Get on your knees Ray," he said breathily as he started to take off his pants. I mentally moaned. How could he make that sound so _hot? _I scrambled to do what he'd said, still a little dazed, and let my knees dig into the hotel's carpet. Liam was a sight before me, all tanned and built. He smirked when he saw me watching him, and threw his pants unceremoniously in the corner.

"Open your mouth," he ordered; working a hand over his shaft as he saw me knelt so submissively before him. My mouth dropped open and I tried to suppress any worry I had about not being up to par in this particular area. After all, he had responded well enough last time. Liam placed his penis on my tongue.

"Go," he commanded, sounding almost bored. I obediently started to bob up and down as his hand threaded into my hair, leading me. He was big, difficulty so. I gagged each time I went down further than the middle of his shaft. I kept waiting for the reaction to subside but it never did, so I just went with it, letting him hear (and feel) me gag in my effort to please him.

When I tried to resist going down too far Liam would spur me further, forcing me to go until he hit the back of my throat. I fondled his balls gently, making him release this guttural groan.

"Fuck baby," he growled. He pulled me up quickly, kissing me hard on the mouth before urging me back on the bed. "I can't wait any longer. I need to fuck you." He kept me face down on the mattress with my ass up in the air. I wiggled it playfully as he let one of his hands caress me. Without warning he slammed into me, staying still as my walls quaked in attempt to accommodate him in all his glory. After he felt sure I was ready he started to thrust hard, taking a fistful of my hair and yanking so my head was back. I cried out, unused to this new angle. It was different, something I'd never experienced before and it felt amazing. It didn't last long though, Liam's enthrallment with my breast made him turn me over. He watched my breasts bounce, pulling my legs up against his chest and kissing my shin.

"You're so good," I moaned, arching my back already.

"And you're So. Fucking. Hot," he growled, thrusting hard. My eyes closed and I twisted my head into the bed. It was going to be powerful, I could tell just as it built in intensity. I brought my hand down to bring me to the edge but Liam caught my hand and brought it up by my head. He used his spare to work my clit, drowning my squeal when he captured my mouth with his own.

"Liiiiaaaam." I came. Hard. My body shaking with the shock of it. Liam continued to thrust as I quivered beneath him, his eyes taking in my face as I came against him. My back arched upwards, towards him and as our torsos touched he came as well, screaming out my name as he did.

He rolled off of me, pulling me into the hold of his arms as he did. I smiled, knowing how different he would be a_fter _sex. Liam kissed the top of my head, stroking a hand down my naked back.

"Is it just me…" he began slowly, his intoxicating accent drawing me in. "Or do we get better at that every bloody time?"

I nodded mutely, still trying to recover. For a few minutes we were silent, lost in our own thought. Personally, I was replaying the last hour, trying to remember each delectable moment in detail.

"About something you said earlier," he said. "That's not why I did it."

"Huh?"

"You said I bought that picture of us on _The Tower of Terror _because Gabby looked cute. That's why I sa_id _I had to get it." Liam rolled to the side of the bed and fished in his discarded pants pocket for the small photo. When he retrieved it he held it up to me. "I got it because…well just _look _at your face," he snickered. In the picture my hair was wild, practically shooting straight up from hair quickly the ride dropped but in the midst of all that my eyes were trained on Liam and Gabby before me, my mouth pinched up in anger and hardly showing any reaction to the faster than gravity drop I was experiencing.

"I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at anything," he chortled. I had to laugh too, accepting his kiss as he leaned forward.

"You were sooo jealous," he implored. I nodded.

"Yes I was. So don't do it again."

"I won't…As long as you let me frame this picture and put it in my room."

Liam POV:

Needless to say, we were a little late to dinner. Niall didn't seem to mind though and it's not like the restaurant would every dream of giving away our table…it was the only time I felt okay playing the celebrity card.

"This place is epic," Niall admitted around dessert. I had to agree. Some of the stuff was just like home, though a lot had been Americanized.

"Yeah it's pretty awesome. Though I do wish we could do some American stuff while we're in America," Ray said. Niall looked a little ashamed. He knew how much she missed the U.S.

"Sorry I used our last night to go here," he said quietly.

"No, no, no. Sweetie I loved it here." Her eyes flicked across the way to where people were pulling out cameras and pointing them in our direction. She kissed Niall full on the mouth and waited for the flash to go off before she pulled back.

"Hey mate," Niall said to me when he pulled away. "What's that on your neck?" I knew what he was talking about by the way Rene's` face dropped, dread evident in her eyes.

"Oh it's a bruise."

"Yeah right! I'm not an idiot. Who's the girl?" His eyes fell to Gabby who was sitting right next to me.

"Actually…never mind I don't want to know."


	12. Craig

Liam POV:

"Oh my god where are my earrings?" Ray demanded, stomping around the kitchen and looking under pots that had been strewn over the stove. I was sitting at the kitchen table and she brushed by me to look under the chairs.

"Why would they be in the kitchen, Rene`?" Niall asked. No sooner had the question left his mouth than Ray found her two diamond studs and held them up for inspection.

"Because they are."

I laughed at her and watched her put them on. Today was a pretty sucky day. She was supposed to be going wedding dress shopping today.

"How long are you going to be shopping babe? I met this guy at the pub a couple weeks ago. He's really funny and he's from Detroit just like you. I invited him out with me and the boys for dinner tonight. You wanna join?"

Ray pursed her lips, considering.

"Yeah I'll meet you there I guess. Text me the time and the place. And sweetie? People from Detroit are assholes. Next time you meet one don't feel the need to introduce me." Ray didn't seem to be kidding, but Niall laughed anyway as she placed a kiss on his cheek. She ruffled my hair as she walked by and then she left, leaving her sweet scent behind her.

Rene` POV:

I was a slut. A fact I reluctantly accepted and had made my peace with. Though somehow I never anticipated getting a UTI. Trying on wedding dresses with a Urinary Track Infection that came from being constantly and relentlessly fucked by your fiancé's best friend was every girls dream…right?

I sighed as I stared at the full length mirror in the dressing room. Smil Wedding Dresses was the biggest and most famous store in all of the U.K and the entire store had been closed for me. As I stood there, in my custom made Vera Wang wedding gown I was stunned by how wrong it felt. The dress was stunning, strapless with a long train, black lace up the back, and black trim. It was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen, and I could not wait to get out of it.

"Ray? You okay in there?" Gabby called. I responded by emerging from the dressing room, the most painful smile in the world on my face. Though it had only taken me a second to maneuver the long trail of the dress out of the dressing room Gabby was already engaged in conversation with her mother. I gave them their space and wondered over to the window. It was tinted so the people walking by on the street couldn't see me but I could see them. It was rainy so there weren't many people out. A few minutes went passed before a couple walked by, they were holding hands. The girl tripped just as she passed the shop, leaving them in my line of sight a little longer. Her ankle twisted and I could hear her cry out in pain as she went down, dragging the boy down with her.

The boy got to his feet quickly, dropping her hand to do so. He wiped his hands on the back of his jeans, which were soaking wet. Before I even realized what was happening he'd yanked her to her feet, ignoring her squeak of protest. He looked so mad and the girl shrunk back, as if she knew exactly what was coming. When he opened his mouth to speak she winced, but his eyes flicked briefly to the window, his eyes seeming to pierce mine though I knew he couldn't see me. My heart stopped because the look on his face was one I knew all too well.

"When we get home," he threatened, his lips easily read, then he was dragging her along and all I could do was watch, heart in my throat, chocking me. Before I could stop it a memory claimed me.

_It wasn't my first high school party. I had three older brothers who had no qualms with taking me with them. However, it was my first high school party with the Quarter back on my arm. Girls watched enviously as Craig led me through to the kitchen, smiling and joking with nearly everyone we passed. Every jealous glare aimed towards me made me want to shout "you can have him! Please take him!" _

_ The hand he had on my hand was a sweet sign of affection to the onlookers, but I knew it was to keep me from leaving his side, or talking to anyone else. _

_ "Craig!" Michael called as we reached the kitchen, where all the booze had been set up. Craig accepted the high five offered to him and smiled. _

_ "What's up man? Awesome party!"_

_ "Thanks. Glad you brought you're girl. 'Sup Ray? Ready to go out with me yet or are you still slumming it with Craig here?" Michael asked, words slurring. I smiled and tried to laugh as Craig's grip on me tightened until it was almost painful. _

_ "Still slumming it, but you'll be the first to know," I promised with a slight grin. This mollified Mike and he walked away with a playful shout of "let's all get wasted." He was just barely out of ear shot when Craig leaned into me, his hot breath threateningly present near my ear. _

_ "What the hell are you doing you fucking whore?" he demanded angrily. His fingers slipped up to my arm until they were locked around my wrist. "You're going to flirt with my friend in front of me while you're still hurting from the fucking I gave you last night?" A painful throb from in between my legs seemed to echo in agreement. Last night had been brutal even for him and I cringed in remembrance._

_ "You think you're safe? You think I can't hurt you 'cause we're in public?" With incredible ease he swept me to the dark corner of the room, where we wouldn't be noticed as easily. Craig twisted my arm behind my back and hiked it up until I was sure he was going to break it. I bit my lip so hard the taste of rust flooded my mouth, the blood chilling look on his face told me I'd suffer much worse if I made a sound._

_ What the hell was I doing? I was a Mercer. Strong. This wasn't me. _

_ "Let me go or I'll scream bloody murder," I snarled, regretting my words the second they left my mouth. _

_His eyes appraised me dangerously, the slightest of smirks telling me I was in massive trouble. _

_ "You never were good enough for me. I'm fucking you out of charity, and you have the nerve to talk to me like that?" Craig moved so fast I hardly so it coming. But I felt it as his hand snaked out and hit hard against my face. No one looked up, the music masked the sound, but shame coursed through me. He'd never hit me in public before…_

"Ray? Oh my God! You look beautiful!" Gabby drew out of my memory. She had her hand over her mouth, and was smiling hugely. "Come stand near the mirror!" she demanded happily, pointing towards the center of the room. I did what she said, staring back at my reflection. My face had paled considerably, the thought of Craig being replaced by thoughts of Liam. Smart, sensible, Liam—whose heart I was breaking by continuing this thing with Niall.

The wedding dress was beautiful though, it was easy to picture myself getting married in it. It just…wasn't easy picturing me marrying _Niall _in it. But marrying Liam wasn't something that could ever happen. Not without destroying everything I'd worked so hard to build. A brief vision of Liam playing with a small child flashed through my mind. The small girl was black haired with skin lighter than mine, and so obviously _ours _that it made me start to tear up when I realized she too was an impossibility.

"Ray? What's wrong?" Gab asked. She'd picked up on my mood and was looking at me with concern. I opened my mouth to respond that I was fine…but suddenly I couldn't. How many lies had I told to protect my affair with Liam? Today, I was done.

"Gabby…I have something to tell you." I turned slowly, until I was facing her. She smiled, like she was expecting whatever it was to be pleasant.

"I…" I began hesitantly. "I can't marry Niall."

This clearly shocked her and she backed up a bit.

"Why not?" she gasped. I swallowed hard, realizing that I was about to say this out loud for the very first time.

"Because, I'm…" what did I say? That I was having sex with Liam? That I loved him? Somehow the fact that we were sleeping together seemed less personal, so I went with that. "I'm sleeping with Liam." God it sounded dirty when said aloud. Like I was some common slut that had selected Liam at random. I tried to rush on but Gabby had recovered from her stunned silence faster than I would have deemed possible. And she was _pissed. _

"What?! How could you…why did you…" she looked up at me like I was someone she'd never seen before and never wanted to see again. "How could you do this to Niall? He's sitting around _loving you _while you're sleeping with his best mate?"

I don't know what I'd expected. Truth be told I hadn't thought it through. Shock? Confusion? Denial? Certainly not _this. _

"It's not like that!"

"No Rene` that's exactly what it's like! Niall is this great, decent guy, and you—"

That's when I saw it. Like really saw it for the first time. Had I been blind before?

"You like Niall," I whispered, letting the thought sink in. Gabby heard me, her breathing angry as she took a step towards me.

"I love him," she corrected, eyes shining with tears. "I love him because he's sweet, and beautiful and _you,_" she said, voice growing in volume until she was shouting, "throw his commitment away like it means nothing to you."

"I love him too Gabby. Just not…" Just not enough. Not enough to leave Liam.

"You don't!" she screamed at me, raising her finger and pointing it in my face. "If you think that's love then you are really fucked up! God I'm so stupid to not have seen it before! Do you think this is fair? To Niall? To Liam?"

"It's not like I'm having sex with band mates at random Gabby!" She cut me off again, completely uninterested in anything I had to say. My sweet, smiley friend was gone.

"If you don't tell him I will!"

Liam POV:

I couldn't believe I'd been suckered into this. I was fuming even as I walked into the bridal shop and the charming little bell went off. A woman with light brown hair pulled up into a neat bun rushed over to greet us, smiling pleasantly but with a sort of hesitation in her movements. She had rectangular glasses and laugh lines at the corner of her dark eyes.

"I'm so sorry gentleman. The shop has been closed today an account of a very special customer—" she began, a slight Puerto Rican accent lacing her words.

"Rene` Mercer. We know. Gabby invited us. She said we had to see Ray in the dress," Harry volunteered. He winked, as susceptible to older woman as always.

"Oh," the woman said, seeming startled. "Well then it is a pleasure to meet you. I'm Betty, Gabriela's mother." She shook each of our hands. "Right this way." She led us down a sort of hallway lined with white dresses. Ray's dress wouldn't have come off the rack so I didn't bother looking at any of them. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to see her in a white flowing gown that would supposedly be to give her to another man.

"I wonder what she'll look like," Louis said excitedly. He was being so ridiculous about this, not that the others didn't egg him on.

"I know," Zayn agreed. We got closer to the back room and we started to hear shouting. Little snippets of conversations reached me, but none that made sense. Gabby seemed to be yelling, her normally gentle voice so vicious it was hardly recognizable. We turned the corner into the room, led by Gabby's mother and we all came to a stand still. The room was a blinding white; a large three length mirror monopolized the room, with two cushy arm chairs sat in front of it. Ray was standing on the small stage like platform in front of the mirrors, staring down at the short girl who was puffed up as if she were towering over her. Gabby's finger was in her face and she was flushed red with anger.

The dress Ray was wearing demanded attention. It had a heart shaped bodice encrusted with diamonds and a back that was laced up with black ribbon like a corset, a bottom that flared out. Her black hair was loose down, a veil pinned into the back of her hair, and frankly she looked like a Princess. So beautiful it made every inch of me ache. A brief vision flashed through my mind of me waiting for her at the end of the aisle, watching the wide double doors swing open to reveal the goddess before me. I wanted it so bad it caused me physical pain.

They both turned to face us. Ray's hands flew to her face, where fat tears were rolling down her cheeks. She hurriedly tried to wipe them away, turning from us quickly. But it was too late. We'd seen.

"What is going on?" Gabby's mother asked breathlessly. I got the impression she'd always raised her daughter to be the picture of elegance. Yelling at potentially the most important client her store would ever have was hardly behavior she approved of.

When Gabby's attention finally snapped to us though, her eyes didn't even flick over to her mother. Her steely gaze went straight to me. There was so much disgust in her typically smiling face it floored me.

"Wha—" I began, distracted for a moment by a movement in my peripheral vision. Ray shook her head, just slightly. It was almost imperceptible, but I immediately understood. My heart dropped into my stomach and I knew the horror was written all over my face.

Gabby opened her mouth to speak, accusing finger veering off until it was pointing straight at me. Oh my god. A mix of emotion surged through me. To my surprise, relief was the most prominent. It was finally out in the open. Gabriela was prepared to expose us right this second. My life would be ruined. My career would be shot. But I would have Rene` and I was almost eager for the terrible truth to come tumbling out of Gabby's mouth.

"I'm sorry!" Ray blurted, just as Gabby began. "I'm so, so sorry Gabby." Her voice was weak from crying and you could tell she was on the verge of collapse. Rene` hiccupped another sob as the shorter girl reluctantly turned back around to face her, her hand lowering in the process.

"I love him," she whispered, so softly I had to strain my ears to hear. Her eyes welled with a fresh round of tears and she took a cautious step towards her friend. I moved forward as if pulled by some magnetic force, leaving the other boys behind me. Ray turned to the side, so the others couldn't see, her voice dropping so drastically they couldn't possibly hear.

"It's always been him Gabby. Since the beginning." She wiped a hand against her eyes, her fingers revealing just how terribly she was shaking. "It will _always_ be him." Ray's eyes brushed over me as I crept forward, so much agony written over her face I started to regret my earlier surge of relief. I was selfish to feel that. This would destroy her; because it would destroy _him. _

"I'll do it. I swear. Don't let it come out like this."

During Ray's little plea Gabby had lost some of her fire. She said nothing, though her lip trembled with either fury or the will to hold back tears. She followed Ray's gaze to me, and I knew desperation was written all over my face as well. I could never allow something to happen that would ruin Rene` so wholly.

"Please," I mouthed. Gabby looked between the two of us and then released a growl of a sigh. Making her decision, she pushed passed me to wear her jacket lay strewn over one of the chairs. She snatched it up and practically ran from the room, busting into loud sobs the second she managed to escape the room. I closed my eyes, moved by the heaviness of what had just happened. Ray sunk into a crouch, hiding her face in the folds of the extravagant dress.

The other boys, though clearly baffled rushed forward to console her. Harry placed a hand on her exposed back, running it soothingly between her naked shoulder blades. She peeked at him with a grateful smile and finally let Louis help her up.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Merana," Ray sniffled, forcing a smile. "I will uh… contact Vera Wang myself to thank her for the dress, though I'm not sure I will be purchasing it." She looked pointedly at me, and I knew. There was no turning back now.

Rene` POV:

I'd never been more miserable. Zayn, Louis, and Harry were desperate to know what my fight with Gabby was about but I'd never wanted to talk about anything less. Needless to say, the ride to dinner was a silent one.

Niall wanted to meet at _Gianni's, _a new Italian restuarnt that was already making headlines. He and his friend were meeting us there, but my stomach was in knots. No way would I be able to eat. I was going to have to break the news to Niall. Soon.

When we pulled up to the restaurant I told the boys I had to go to the bathroom and shit Liam a pointed look. I cut through the crowded place to get to the restrooms, standing outside instead of going in. It was dimly lit so I was hoping we wouldn't be recognized if anyone saw us talking.

Liam showed up a few minutes later, looking only slightly less upset than I was. He started to speak but I held up my hand to stop him.

"This is going to have to happen soon Liam, and I need to know something. Do you love me? More than the fame? The music? The band? Because that's what we'll be giving up. All of it for each other. I'll understand if you don't think I'm worth it. In fact…I'm not worth it. I'm a bad person." My breathing was stunted but I wasn't in danger of crying, I'd done enough of that today. "Just choose the band. I'll tell Niall I just can't marry him and I'll disappear. He'll never know."

The look on Liam's face was like I'd slapped him, not the relief I'd half way anticipated. He looked…offended. Just as he was about to speak he thought better of it and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the bathroom behind me. Liam checked to make sure it was empty, and then locked the door.

"Do you think I'm that much of a coward?" he knew I couldn't handle anyone else attacking me today, knew I was in a fragile state. "I'm in love with you Rene` Mercer. You're worth it. A hundred times over you're worth it." He cupped my face in his hands and let his thumb skim over my cheek. "I just need you, not any of that stuff." He kissed me. it wasn't a kiss that said _you're about to ruin my life. _It didn't even say _you're in a massively unsexy sweatshirt. _He just loved me, and I could feel that. And despite the crushing weight that still weighed on my shoulders, I felt better, because I knew I wasn't alone.

"I'll do it soon," I whispered when he pulled away. Liam simply smiled and squeezed my fingers. Then, he unlocked the door and walked out, leaving me alone in the bathroom smiling like an idiot.

I waited a few minutes before I followed Liam, taking the time to pull my hair up in a ponytail. I had the feeling that if I wasn't famous they would kick me out for not following their dress code. Sweats and a pair of holey jeans didn't exactly fit their criteria. I was thinking about that as I managed to find our table, sitting down with a smile as many different eyes in the establishment followed me. Niall had saved me a seat next to him.

"Hello beautiful," he greeted me with a kiss. "This is my friend."

I looked up and my heart stopped. That knowing, cruel smile spread over his face the second I saw him. _Go wherever you want. I'll find you. _The threat rang loud and clear as I stared up into those endlessly cold blue eyes.

"Ray this is –"

"Craig," I finished in a voice that was barely above a whisper. My heart sank. How much more could I handle today?

"Hello little Mercer," he purred, eyes penetrating mine with too much intensity. I dropped my gaze, staring at the ground. I shifted in my seat.

"Do you guys know each other?" Niall asked in surprise.

"Oh yes. We dated. Isn't that right?" Craig asked the last question with a hard note in his voice. I cringed. The sound of his voice made my stomach roll made me relive every vile thing he'd ever done to me. The beatings, the screaming, the borderline _rape. _

I made myself look up at him, remembering that I wasn't that little girl anymore.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Craig just smiled coolly. "Told you I'd find you."

My skin crawled and without even realizing it my eyes fell to the one person who made me feel safe. Liam looked confused but when my gaze landed on his it was like a light bulb went off in his head. He didn't even hesitate. He just stood up and strode over to where Craig was sitting. Craig looked up at his approach, that satanic smile still playing at his lips. I watched in shock as Liam jerked him up by the collar of his shirt, shocking Craig and making him stumble.

"What the hell are you doing?" he snapped. He rolled his shoulders, the threat evident as he stepped up to Liam. Craig was a few inches taller but Liam was pure muscle and he was searing mad.

"So you're the guy that hurt her?" Liam asked quietly. Then, he punched him square in the face. Craig wasn't ready for it. No one he threatened actually took him on. He was too intimidating. He hit the ground hard, the pure force of the punch sending him to the floor.

"What the hell?" Niall yelled, jumping to his feet as Liam drove his foot into Craig's stomach. I heard him wheeze as the kick knocked the breath out of him and got to my feet as well as the flash of cameras started to fill the restaurant.

"Liam stop!" I screamed. He didn't seem to hear me. He'd lowered himself to the ground and was punching every bit of Craig he could.

"How does it feel? Dealing with someone your own size?" he bit out, landing another punch with ease. As much as I loved seeing Craig get the crap beat out of him, I didn't want it to happen at Liam's expense. I fell to my knees beside him and managed to yank him back. The second there was enough space I wiggled in-between him and Craig. Liam went slack the second I was in his line of sight, unwilling to even risk mistakenly hitting me.

"Oh God what have you done?" I whispered, looking up as another flash blinded us. Liam was silent, breathing heavy.

"You're worth it," he finally replied.


	13. Discovery

sorry it's been a while! Enjoy x

Liam POV:

"I had no idea," Niall said numbly, as Ray finished her story. This was something she couldn't escape explaining, not after the mess I'd caused. As hard as I tried I couldn't make myself regret it. Craig deserved to have the crap beaten out of him. We were home now, but twitter had been set ablaze with news of my brawl. Our mangers were tearing up our phone lines, angry and confused. _I understand what happened I just don't know why__Liam__hit him. Do you know how hard this will be to fix?_If they only knew what was rapidly hurtling their way.

"I can't do anything right," he muttered. Rene` made a sound of protest and encircled his neck with her arms. She whispered something in his ear and kissed his lips lightly. To anyone else it may be imperceptible but I knew she was kissing him good bye.

"Why did Liam know?" Niall asked quietly. Zayn and Louis looked up as the question they'd all been thinking was finally asked aloud. Harry continued to fiddle on his phone but he perked up in a way that told me he was listening. Ray wrapped her arms around her torso like she was holding herself together and she took a shaky breath. She had just opened her mouth again when she seemed to realize how crowded the room was. Even I, who was desperate for this to be out in the open, knew that it wasn't the right time.

"I just mentioned it to him a while back. I'm sorry," she finished lamely. Louis slumped on the couch in reaction to the anti-climactic answer. Zayn stayed alert though, eyes going back and forth between Rene` and I. There was something blatantly distrusting in his gaze which typically would have bothered me, but not tonight. Only a few more…what? Days? Hours? And it would all be out in the open. My heart gave a selfish surge of joy. Just a little longer and the world would know she was _mine._ The thought was spreading warmth through me as it went through my mind. Sure, it was scary but it was worth it when you found the one girl on the planet who could make hell feel like home.

"I'm sorry Rene`," Niall said. And you could tell it was heartfelt. "I would never do anything to hurt you." Her eyes searched his face desperately, as if she was hoping he was lying.

"I know," she said eventually, her voice betraying her when it broke. "You would never hurt me." She left the room quickly, before she could break down and I resisted the urge to follow her. It was Niall that should go to her now. It was one of the last nights that they would have together.

Rene` POV:

That night I let Niall hold me. I focused on the feel of his arms wrapped around my body, and the way his little puffs of air tickled my ear when he exhaled. I didn't sleep at all, I couldn't. I stared at the bright clock on the nightstand and traced small circles on the back of Niall's hand until the sunlight crept in through the open blinds. It was eight a.m when the alarm went off, a blaring noise that made me jump even though I was ready for it.

Niall groaned and fumbled blindly for the snooze button, reaching over me to do so. It was so familiar I couldn't help a small smile and as always I waved his hand away so I could do it myself.

"Thanks baby," he murmured, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck. He wiped his eyes sleepily and dragged himself out of bed. I sat up, because it normally took Niall a good twenty minutes of dozing after the initial alarm before he actually got up.

"What's up?" I asked, trying not to sound too alert. I didn't want him to know I hadn't been sleeping.

"Got to be in the studio by nine," he answered groggily, not even looking at me as he stumbled to the bathroom for a shower. Now that we weren't touching, now that I wasn't savoring the last few hours of affection he would probably ever show me, I had a knot in my stomach and my heart was beating faster. I had to tell him today. I looked down at the ring glistening on my finger and felt my heart speed up even more, making it almost painful. Is this what a heart attack felt like? No. That would be too easy.

I pulled myself up out of bed and changed clothes, managing to run a brush through my hair before I walked out of the room. Liam had just walked out his door as well and our gazes locked. I shook my head in response to the question his eyes asked.

He walked closer and came to stand in front of me. Until he touched my arm I hadn't realized I'd been shaking.

"I know you're nervous."

"Are you not?" I whispered, struck by his calm demeanor. Liam hesitated and then gave a small shake of his head.

"I just can't wait to be with you." He smiled slightly and put a hand to my cheek. "I've waited a long time to be your boyfriend."

His hand fell from my face when my frown deepened.

"What?"

"I just realized…that's all we'd just feels like too small a word to describe…us."

"Well, I'll marry you tonight if you prefer the term 'husband'," his voice rich with sincerity.

"No. When I marry you it's going to be a happy, brilliant, unrushed affair Mr. Payne. Right now I'll settle for 'soul mate.'"

"As long as you promise that you _will_eventually marry me." I was lost in those big brown eyes when I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed him.

"Well, I'd never marry anyone else…but this doesn't count as a proposal!" I warned, not even slightly interested in ending one engagement only to enter another on the same day.

"Okay," he agreed with a small smile. "Hey, listen," he pulled my chin up so I was looking him in the eye. "We've recorded most of our stuff for the album, what do you think about just blowing off work today? You're not going to be able to sing being as nervous as you are anyway. We could talk about how we need to tell Niall."

"We?"

"Yeah. We both did this. I'm not going to make you tell him alone. I thought that's what you wanted at first but clearly it's not." I blushed, recalling how I had tried and tried again to tell Niall only to succumb to my fear. I couldn't hurt Niall like that and I had a pathological need to please people. But let's face it my affair with Liam wasn't pleasing anyone but myself…and Liam.

"I love you," I breathed, resisting the urge to bury my face in his neck. His eyes filled with emotion and his lips pulled into a smile.

"I—" he began only to stop mid-sentence when the door to the bathroom opened down the hall. Niall stepped out; his lower half wrapped in a towel and smiled brightly when he saw us.

"Hey! You guys ready for the studio?" he asked.

"I'm not going. I'm uh…going up to Wolver Hampton to see my mum," Liam said breezily, shooting me a meaningful look.

"And I'm not feeling well. I think I'm gunna stay home and try and get some sleep." Niall gave me a sympathetic kiss on the forehead and yelled the plans down to the other boys.

"You're absolutely trembling Love," Niall told me, running the back of his hand along my cheek. "Do you need me to stay?"

"No sweetie go on ahead. I just need to lie down."

As Liam had said, most of our recording was already done so nobody minded much.

I was fascinated by how easily we got away with it. How simple it was. As the other boys left I waved goodbye at the door, and then ran back upstairs to find Liam.

He was in his room, laid back against his bed with a tight gray v neck on and a pair of sweatpants. He looked so calm, he actually looked up at me when I walked in and he_smiled._ I crawled up beside him and laced my arms around his neck. I felt so much like crying. My stomach was in knots, and I could not for the life of me stop shaking. I wanted some of his calm to rub off on me but knew I wouldn't be so lucky. I knew I didn't deserve it.

"What have we done Liam?" I whispered, feeling his strong arms wrap around me. Liam pulled back from me just slightly, just enough that I could see his face. His brow furrowed and he gave my lips the gentlest of kisses. "What do you mean 'what have we done?'" There was a long pause as he searched my face.

"We fell in love. I don't regret that…do you?" He brushed a piece of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear, still holding me tight with his free hand. I held him just as tightly, feeling my substantial shaking start to subside as I thought about what he'd asked me.

"I could never regret that," I began hesitantly. "But Liam…we're not innocent in this. I've hurt Niall. I've hurt him so bad."

"We've both hurt him. And we'll deal with this together."

"God Liam why don't you get it? _I'm. Not. Worth. This._In a few years you're going to realize that and you won't love me anymore. You'll resent me for breaking up your friendship and killing your dream," I sobbed, my fears bursting forth all in one breath. Liam looked taken aback, and I felt myself breaking. My eyes closed and I rested my forehead against Liam's, every nerve in my body tingling with the need to cry. Just as I felt the tears starting to trickle out from behind my closed eyelids Liam kissed me. It was gentle at first and then a little harder.

"I could never resent you," he whispered against my lips, trailing light kisses down my neck and then moving his lips up until they he right near my ear. "And I love you so much it hurts. That will never change." I shivered as his warm lips captured mine.

"Beautiful, delusional girl," he kissed me until I was breathless, until my fears were forced out of my mind to make room for the feel of him against me.

"I love you," I said finally, pulling back from him with reluctance.

"I love you too," he promised, the affirmation making me feel a little better.

I let him bring his lips to mine once more.

"I knew it," a voice cut through the air, sounding so broken and pitiful.

My heart stopped. My mind refused to work. I was facing away from the door but as Liam stared wide eyed over my head there was no question as to who was behind me.


End file.
